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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

falcon eyes: Heart ache

falcon eyes: Heart ache

I dedicate this poem to my sweet would-be wife

I burn my eyes in the lantern oil
To vent out the fire that makes my heart toil
I thank for being a human and not ape
Scribbling ink on paper is my only escape

Putting a mask over a cape
I shut my cries with a tape
I run distances and jog for miles
For you my love, I long for your smiles

I am hurt and I too feel pain
When I see my efforts going down the drain
Your words hit me like a bullet train
You always leave me in utter disdain

Not on you but what I aspire,
For what I sweat, for what I perspire,
It’s not your glow but also your fire
My love, this is what I truly desire.

I want your smell in the air I breathe
You never know you make me complete
But there is something deep in your eyes
This leaves me stranded and my heart cries

Though you stand proud and you walk tall
And you know I’m putting in everything and all
Do you really want me to beg and crawl
Don’t you know, for you I’ll take the fall

I know you are holding something dark and creep
I know that there are nights when you silently weep
Please allow me your demon’s peep
And rest on my shoulder’s for a peaceful sleep

Your words leave me hung on a rope
Yet I see a glimmer of hope
As I burn my eyes in the lantern oil
I see a day when you will uncoil

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Sailor: Part -4

Continued from Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3

From that day onwards, he created a wall around himself... It was not a wall but a fort... a fort that no one could breach to reach him... and shut him up in his self-constructed cocoon of misery. On the outside he was just normal or rather too normal – Just like the millions who were running in the rat race to become successful.

But he had changed... but to the others he had grown sincere. The world around him was far too busy in the all Mighty, all too important board exams to care for his plight. He never met any of his friends, stopped going out and stopped smiling...much to the delight of his parents.

He could no longer meet Ansh and whenever he saw her she was accompanied by her brothers... There was no way he could only contact her. The emails he sent to her got no replies. Not that he expected one, as she rarely checked her mailbox. And then he had to move out of the town. He was selected in one of the leading Marine Engineering College, his parents never objected to his choice. They thought it was better to send him away so as to stop him from being in touch with “the wretched gal”.

His mother always cursed Ansh for taking their obedient and doting son away from her, for spoiling him, for trying to ruin his career, for breaking the nose of his handsome son. She cursed her for everything that had happened wrong to her son. To her Anshika was a witch.

When he reached his engineering college, he was perceived as a snob, for he never interacted with anybody. Silently, he used to laugh at himself – the most popular and cheerful boy of his town was now a snob. Even on weekends, when the whole of batch was allowed to go to the city, he preferred to stay in his room.

The emails he sent to her after reaching the college, had all bounced back. And when he tried to call her home, the number was no longer working. He immersed himself into books engineering and literature alike and hoped that when he would pass from the institute and be “successful”, Ansh would be his.

He prayed to the God, and prayed reverently to see Ansh only once...

On that day, he was forced by his classmates for a movie “Lagaan”. Since the whole batch was going he was forced to agree. And on the same weekend, they went to “City Pride”, the only multiplex at that time in Pune. While he was looking out for the show timing there was a gentle tap on his shoulders, He turned around to see a gal behind him. She had a pink scarf over her face and her black eyes were brimming with tears.

He thought he was hallucinating! The last place he hoped to see Ansh was in Pune! Miles away from his hometown. This was too good to be true. Was she Ansh, he asked himself a million times in the fraction of a second. And each time he knew that yes she was. Yes she was his Ansh. Those beautiful enchanting eyes that could look straight into his heart could be of nobody but Ansh. Her Aura and the warm look radiating melted the inpenetratable wax fortress that he had so painfully built around himself. He stood there speechless as if any movement would break the beautiful spell that was cast around him by her sheer presence.

And then she spoke, her voice trembling, “Aj, you didn’t recognize me, it’s me Anshika!” with trembling hands she removed the scarf as he stood there speechless. Seeing no reaction from him, she turned around to hide her tears afraid that the incident in the park had broken her relationship. Still as a statue he stood rooted to the ground. Things were moving too fast for him and by the time he realised what he saw was true, she was walking out of the gate of the multiplex. He could see her going away... He could see his entire dream, all his hopes, all his future, his love walking away. He saw his life walking away with his Ansh.

He ran to her, to his life and just held her just as she was hoping into an Auto. He turned her around and stared into those enchanting eyes. He could just see his world in her dark eyes. Those eyes were the magical crystal ball in which he could see his past, his present and his future – all at the same time. In her eyes, he saw hope and his world which was as beautiful as never before. He could stare into those for eternity. Yes, his mother was right, Ansh was indeed a witch. She had him bewitched with those eyes. Looking into her eyes, he was mesmerized and lost. Heck, he wanted to have been shot dead for bringing tears to her eyes but at the same time he wanted to die looking into her eyes. Yes, she was indeed a witch who had the power to make him do anything. Yes, she was a witch who could melt steel with her eyes. Yes, she was a witch who could take his breath away. Yes, she was a witch who could take away all his pain. Yes, she was a witch who could make him feel alive again and he loved her for that!

She brought him out of trance as she spoke, “tubelight Aj” as she laughed and cried at the same time. It was then he realised that women beat men in multitasking, hands down. Here, he was standing with a blank face like a fool in the middle of the road searching for words to speak and she on the other hand was laughing, crying, jumping, joking and displaying all possible types of human emotion all at the same time.

And the first word he spoke was, “What are you doing here?”

A smile spread across the corner of his face as he scratched the Alsatian ears. “What a fool he was!” he smirked at himself remembering those good old days. All he could manage was “What are you doing here!”, and he thought he was good in communication; he smiled staring into the spilled blood of his dying heart punctured yet again, smeared across the sky... being slowly but leisurely drunk by the demons of the darkness.

He saw the flocks of birds flying across the sky... flying free, gliding over the clouds. These birds were just like him. They were sailor too. Just like him they were free! Free to roam across the seven seas but these birds had built a nest to return to. They had built it with their soul mates, he had tried to build it too but his soul mate had flown away from him. He wondered if any of the bird ever dreamt to do anything different than the rest, may be fly a little higher or may be fly to a cold mountain in winter. Had it sacrificed his dream to for his mate? To be in the cozy nest that he had built for his mate. Perhaps he would never know just like he never knew why Ansh had left him. Perhaps he would never understand the unspoken language that was between the flock that gave rise to the beautiful formation in the sky. He was not Ansh who could sense what was never said. She always understood those unspoken words. Like she did on that day at the multiplex...

Ansh always understood him better than anyone else ever did. More than he ever understood himself. She understood him even when he hardly uttered a word when he met her in the multiplex. She could read his every emotion on his face; he on the other hand couldn’t even comprehend what she was saying.

“Funny”, he thought “she could not read him when she left him. Why couldn’t she see the pain in his heart when she decided to leave him? Why couldn’t she see the effort he had taken to be with her? No, he knew she had to put up with much more. He couldn’t understand the logic behind giving up when everything was all set. Why couldn’t she just bear one more year? Why couldn’t she see that he needed just one more year to be financially strong enough to support her all by himself? Why couldn’t she see that there was no point in breaking up? Why couldn’t she see he needed her? Why couldn’t she see that if she went he would have nothing left to live for? Why couldn’t she see that it was better to have killed him than to leave him?”

He muttered to himself, “Why couldn’t I see it was eventually going down the drain? Why couldn’t I be more worldly wise? Why couldn’t I know what changed in those last eight months? Why should I always lose where it matters the most? Why?”

Thursday, August 05, 2010

The Valley

In a bus,
I look out of the windows,
into a valley
where the paddy grows.

Dusky clouds glide across the sky,
kissing the hills standing high.
A kiss of passion, a kiss of love
the kiss so tender and pure as dove.

It looks so beautiful,
it looks so green
with a river flowing by
calm and serene.

Sitting on the bank
watches the good old tree
cattle grazing nearby
lazy and free.

I see no human but
there are few huts
the colour of those matches
the brown earth seen in patches.

In a bus
I look out of the windows,
into a valley
where the paddy grows.