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Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Yes Boss!!!

This is an old draft ....
According to "Ramayana" when "Lord Ram "decided to attack "Lanka", he had one major difficulty-"How do I take my vast army across the great ocean?" He instructed his chief engineers "Nal" and "Neel" to construct a bridge across the ocean.

They set out to do so, throwing rocks into the sea after writing "Ram" on each stone into the sea. And, lo the rocks floated! However, when "Lord Ram" himself tried to do so, the rock sunk! On asking the reason for it, "Nal" and "Neel" replied, "oh lord, these rocks were floating in the sea by the virtue of your name, but when you yourself left someone(in this case the rock) how could it float!"

A classic example of flattery!!! The most probable explanation for the story (ignoring the recent controversy) could be that the rocks that floated were "Igneous Rocks" made by cooling of upper layer of lava and fumes. These rocks contain a large number of air spaces between them thus making their average density / specific density lighter than that of sea water. Eg : " Pumice stones' that women use to scrub their feet. And "Nal" or "Neel" "being monkeys" were able to distinguish and select those stones where as "Lord Ram" did not.

Anyways, what does it take to get to the top???

"Yes Boss", you are right. It is not hard work, honesty or talent. It is your ability to remain loyal to the high command and say "Yes Boss".

"Yes Boss", can take you to the TOP!!!It can make you the "PRESIDENT"!!!

"Yes Boss", I am talking about "Pratibha Patil" the president of India (but not my president).

What has she done to become president to except saying "Yes Boss". If she is the best woman for the job then "my dear women of India" please go and immolate yourself. If she is the best candidate from "Maharashtra" then please rename the state as "DHITRASHTRA"!!!

And if you take her elections the symbol of rising woman and women empowerment then by that logic even our "Tulsi" of "Kabhi saas bhi kabhi bahu thi" fits the bill.

"Yes Boss", you are right when you say she looks as an uneducated "granny' with a saree covering her head, with her "bright red sindoor" adorning a fifth of her face round spectacles out of 1857 and two teeth borrowed from a rabbit. "Yes Boss" you are right if you say that her attire resembles a woman coming straight out of 16th century.

"Yes Boss", you are right, when you say "Kiran Bedi" not an empowered woman because she doesn't speak the two golden words one should say to the UPA Chairperson - "Yes Boss".

"Yes Boss", and you are right again when you say that "Dandewal" is the best man for the job of commissioner for he is the one who says "Yes Boss".

"Yes Boss", I think he is the same "Dandewal" who was present at the scene of famous "Jessica Lal' murder.

"Yes Boss", you are right again when you say that I should shut up and say- "Yes Boss", UPA has really made the country proud. "Yes Boss"- you are right, no matter what India is still great!!!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


Last few weeks are weeks has been weeks of realization. I have realized a lot. It has helped me attain a certain level of enlightenment. I always say, “Knowing a fact and accepting THE fact are two different things”.

The facts that I have accepted are:

• Girls are stupid but they are not stupid enough to be seen with me!!!

• Sarcasm is in my blood.

• I can live without cigarette for more than 19 days.

• No matter what you do, how big you are; Mom is always going to make you drink milk.

• Drinking milk does not make you sloshed, though you may still feel like throwing up! It is non-alcoholic in nature!

• Never test your younger brother martial art skills especially when he is state champ. Even with guards you can still get beaten black and blue. The worst part is that you cannot show that you are hurt!

• When caught in above situation, twist his ears and slap him. He/It won’t resist. After all you are elder!!!

• In the above situation it is highly recommended that you have a third hand to shut his mouth. He calls Mom for aid. Can’t get even EVEN!!! Bu hu hu!

• Your dogs too take your bro’s side!!!

• Your white shirt, cannot escape your dog’s paw print. Lots of washing to do!

• You cannot wear jeans for more than 3 days if mom is around.

• You realize that most of your cream coloured dresses are actually white!!! Thx to mom again.

• Breakfast at home is at 8:00 am and dinner at 10:30 (latest) and not the other way round!!!

• Your dogs get a sadistic pleasure by licking your face and that too at 5:30 AM night. Oops back home it is Morning and certainly not a Good Morning!

• Not many would agree, but I can share anything with mom and she keeps it secret!!!

• Hate as much as you can but railway coaches are bound to have cockroaches!

• My ego is bigger than me.

• I sing to irritate people!

• Nobody reads my blog. Alright almost nobody!

• A washing machine has a distinct advantage over your girlfriend. You see neither can cook!!!

• Fine Shoot me, I admit in my post I might have made you a villain but it is unintentional. It’s just my side of the story. I do not, in anyways, want to malign you. It was, is and probably (I hope I am wrong) will be just be one – way street. AND IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT IT WILL NO LONGER BE A STREET IT MEANS I HOPE IT WILL BECOME BOTH WAY STREET AND NOT TWO WAY. ALREADY IT IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH!!! (don't want competition). It is my mistake (the posts and I intend to repeat it.) I am sorry. That is again if you read it!

• Hey, I can say SORRY too!!!

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Why India doesn’t fare well in sport?

First the facts:
India’s population: 100 crore+
Basic needs of man: Food, clothing and shelter
No. of Olympic gold medals: can be counted on fingers

• Now how many people does it take to make a hockey/football team? 11. And how many people are there in a squad? 16. Now tell me how would you react if you know if you realize you are the 17th in a team? Disappointed??? Now how would you react if you know that your entry ticket no is 51st? Try your luck elsewhere! Exactly! That’s my point.

With the exception of cricket, there is hardly any sport which you can make a career. Now you are 51st rank in 100 crore + population but you can’t make the sport your career. And I am still being optimist! When you want to make an ace team you not only have to provide for the best but also for the “also ranked”!
With no support system to handle the failures, or rather those who cannot make it to the top 16there is little chance that anyone would make sport his profession. Unfortunately for us, we cannot assure even the best hockey players a decent living. You can’t ask somebody to take hockey or basketball as career when you can’t assure them their basic needs.

• Do we really have a system which takes care when players are injured? No, certainly no. An injured player is left to fend for himself! You can’t take them as expendable assets! (Ya I know that phrase has been taken from resident evil!!!)

• Can you give them their due recognition? No! Admit it, Sania Mirza is getting all the publicity because she is downright SEXY. That’s all! Disagree? Ok. Can you remember the names of any six women cricketers? Name the Indian women who is the world boxing champ? Which category? Even I don’t remember!!!Name the player who is the world carom champ? (Please don’t use Google just to prove me wrong!)

• Do we have the required facilities? Remember “Jaspal Rana” he walked out of the national coaching centre because it didn’t provide him with ammo. His rift with the coach also played a significant factor. He spoke about it only after winning another gold at Doha (which event I don’t remember. You see point number 3). Can an average Indian afford to buy a pool table?

• Can you keep politics out of the system and the selection process?

• Do we have the necessary scouting staff and mechanism to hunt for new raw talent? The archers in the north-east hit bull’s eye from thrice the distance of Olympic standard (however they don’t fare well when asked to shoot from a nearer range). Can you hunt and tap a talent from a district judo meet?

These are just some of the random examples. The bottom line is that to win gold you got to give enough reasons to youngster to take sport as a career. If you can’t do that it is useless to talk of 100 crore+ population and a handful of gold medals.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

GUYS SAY IT TOO- Yes they do!

Here are some cheesy and romantic lines actually said by guys.
  • I can give my life for her one genuine smile, all she has to do is ask for it!

  • The last time I met her- She told me that she is sorry she couldn't get me a gift on my birthday but she came and that's THE BEST GIFT I have ever received.

  • Boss, I cannot guarantee that I will keep her "VERY HAPPY" all the time but I can guarantee that SHE will be HAPPY with me all her life.

  • "WOH mere bina bahut khush hai" (eyes moist and smile on face)

  • "SORRY"!!!

  • "Aaj uski bahut yaad aa rahi hai"!!

Unfortunately, most of the statements are said after the guy is drunk!!! Notice the absence of "second person". ( Absence of the word You ) in the above statements.