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Monday, November 17, 2008

Crap ... Crap .. and simply crap...

Alright man! This is not personal .. this is not grumbling.. This is simple case of disappointment...

Now I know nobody reads this blog and those who read it .. may take it personal.. and may think me as a sissy! I give a damn... After all I am more or less anonymous..

Crap man! My humour has gone sour.. Damn man it is crap...

Ok I'll make it simple.. I am tired, exhausted , after a days work and lately have been bedridden. Needless to say I need rest, and I do think I have earned myself a well deserved some "good time". Now, what the heck am I doing.. writing a dumb post for a blog that nobody reads...

My tolerance level are at a record low. Man I get pissed even just by looking at a kakrooni collegue of mine. So, in short I am exploding over thing which I normally ignore.... Like readership level of my blog!!! I want this post of mine to shout to the world that I have been let down. And let down in a big way!

Now I have waited for this blogie award that is going on at a some XYZ blog. Now why wouldn't I name that url becoz I can't prove anything... Actually this blog is a damn good blog..and when this award was started I expected to find some awesome nominations... And there were so..Among them was mine.. an honour in itself!!! And I thank the person who nominated me! ( I don't know who!!!)

I was thinking to promote this award thing and just cheat if I could with the poll thing.And crap Man that is irrelevant....

Now I know why Bollywood movies balantly copy the Hollywood counterparts !!! Because they can do it and get away with it as an "inspiration". And this "inspiration" is recognized!!!

Now I know I can't prove anything! But the one post that made into the final list was a inspiration. Judges.. do you hear me? There is one post in the category is not original. It's a copy !!!! And It's a poor copy!!!

And I am indeed disappointed.. especially from the blogger who created this whole award thing... The last place where I expected to find "idea hijacking" in the whole blogosphere was your blog.

Damn man I would have posted you the proof if I could have.. but I don't have any proof..and becoz I can't prove; ...that bugger will get away with it!!!

Crap .. crap and double crap.... Man I have read the Idea somewhere... If I am not mistaken then it is the in the book called "Sixty steps to precis" by some Alexander... It may be L.G Alexander or it could be P.G Alexander. But I don't know if it is that book or some other.

What I am sure that I have read that crap and pathetic crap before... And I Know it for sure..

Super let Down!!! I am disappointed... Damn that "kakroona Copy Pruna" blogger!

Friday, October 17, 2008

The Blue Denim Jacket

I apologize to my readers (ie if there are any ) for being inconsistent on my blog. I am indeed very sorry and as a compensation I have written a very long, short story. Thanking you in advance for having the patience to go through it. When you are finished you are most welcome to hurl abuses at me at the comment section. ;)

"Get up!You Lazy bone.It's 11:00", a voice called.

" Damn man! " said a the young man rubbing his eyes still half asleep. "It's 11:00. I am going to be late again! I had to be at the stall at 11:30 and my and this headache!", said the guy as he made he left the bed.

"11:30 Powai, impossible. Why the hell are you going to the stupid stall? Don't you have anything better to do ? You quit your job, now you go and do some social service and in the evening, you are going to be drunk again. Just look at you!"

" You sound like my grandmother dude..Now don't start it again. It's early morning."

"Morning!!! For heaven sake it's noon! It's over eleven. And Bewade ( drunkard ) it's not the headache but the hangover. I know, my voice is falling on the deaf ears. All you have to do is squander your Dad's money. isn't it?"

"Can we discuss it later, Bhags", said the Bewada.

"Why not now? ", asked Bhags.

"Three reasons.
Number 1: You are boring me stiff.
Number 2: You won't understand.
Number 3: I am getting late! Now where is the Deo."

"Correction, my dear spendthrift. You are not getting late you are late"

"Whatever! Where is the Deo ?", said the spendthrift Bewada.

"Aren't you going to take bath?", inquired Bhags knowing the answer fully well.

"Water is precious! Deo?", he shouted back.

"Look for it yourself. It must be on the table", said Bhags.

"Got it!" said the man picking the Deodorant which lied among a heap of clothes, empty mineral water bottles, old newspaper, scissors, belts, paper clips, files, non functional pen, unwashed cups, empty cigarette packets that worked as improvised ash-trays on the study table. The study table that stocked every item of daily use was used for anything but study."

" By the way Bhags, thanks for your blue denim Jacket", said the man as he picked the jacket from the study table."

" Bastard!", Bhags growled...


Two hours later, a guy in a blue denim jacket was manning a stall at the IIT Powai fest.

"Looking smart dude! Blue denim jacket... Deo-Sheo.. Got a gal at the fest?", said a tall dark handsome man with bulging muscle.

"Come On!, Nikhil. The jacket is of my friend and Deo because "Save water, Use Deo!!!"

"In any case, it's turning quite a few heads over here", said the guy as a broad smile spread over his dark neatly trimmed face.

"Nikhil, It's twenty eighth of December and not first of April."

" Alright, Go and get the registrations done while I fold these sheets into cards for you. Forget the registrations, nobody even listens to me!", said Nikhil as his smile turned to a grin.

" That's because you pick up wrong people Nikhil! You should never talk to couples about donation as they are too busy with themselves. Moreover it's not so wise to go after the committed gals!", said the guy in the blue denim jacket whose eyes twinkled as he spoke the last sentence. "Pick only the same sex group!", he continued as he took the registration desk.


An hour or so later, a young man holding some pamphlets was drinking water from the bottle. His eyes widened as he saw her glimpse through the corner of his eyes. His excitement coupled with his lapse in attention caused him to choke and he coughed. He splashed water on himself in the process, which made his jacket a darker shade of blue at places where the denim absorbed the water drops. He saw her, or was he just hallucinating?...

He rushed to the counter of his stall and he searched with his eyes... There she was...talking gaily ... oblivious to the fact that a pair of narrow cold eyes watched her every movement.

It was her, right? Long time had elapsed ... since he saw her...368 days to be precise.

"I am going for lunch!", said the boy who had choked moments ago. His colleagues watched the boy in the wet denim jumped over the table counter which was covered with white cloth.

He followed her. His eyes followed her but at a distance. His thoughts ran random, wild and in all directions. "What is she doing over here?... It is she, right?" Her presence was something that was too good to be true. Something that he was himself not sure could happen to him.

It was not some puppy love that could happen to him so why was he feeling so strange. Ofcourse she was not some beauty queen but she was nevertheless pretty. "Alright dude, you are a grown up! It's alright, it's over... You were just overexcited on seeing her, and it was unexpected. Now relax, calm yourself. You are past puppy love stage. Those Goose Bumps are result of being overexcited which is perfectly natural. Cool down, you don't have your stomach churning....", he spoke to himself. And right at the moment she turned.

Rational thinking is something that God intended to abandon you and when you need it the most! And true to it's nature it abandoned him at the moment she turned. He stood there rooted, not moving an inch. It seemed to him that all the force of gravity that wretched Newton had discovered was now applied between his now immobile feet and the ground.

He stood there fixed and his non-existent brain searched for words to start a conversation. He thought to himself, "Mr. Smart ass, smile and just say a hello. Simple enough, nothing tough. That's it!" "Alright Get ready! She is coming towards you. And by the way, You should have taken a bath you moron." He promised to himself that he is going to sue the deodorant company if he could get through it alive!"

And so Mr. Smart Ass got ready as she came...And She came and passed....And passed him, right in front of his eyes. "Wait a minute! Was it she? Mr. Moron, you could bloody well bet his life on that! Then, why didn't she acknowledge your presence?"

A thousand questions barged his not so impressive brain. And thinking was obviously something that his brain was accustomed to. "Man, something is wrong here..",he spoke as he thought. "She probably didn't notice.. no that couldn't happen. Alright Mr. Smart ass fine! You didn't expect her to find your presence to be pleasant, did you?"

He thought and thought he did! "No, but there wasn't even an acknowledgment. I mean, there wasn't even a "not you again" look. Her eyes were indifferent! More indifferent than anything else." And that thought hit him like a bolt of lightening!

He could have tolerated that " I hate you "look and the "despise" in her eyes was still something he could manage to live with but that indifferent look left him cold. More cold than he had ever been. Cold and baffled... more baffled than he had ever been ... Cold and baffled....he found his entire strength sucked out of his body and he was left baffled and cold.

His mind refused to accept the fact, inspite of knowing it. He summoned the last of his strength which had evaporated with those "very indifferent" look in her eyes.

"It's not her?", he tried to console himself. "I need to get a better look of her,"he said to convince himself as he ran towards the amphitheater where he had seen her disappear.

His eyes searched her like a fanatic while he desperately prayed to not to find the gal again. His mind knew the truth and he never wanted to accept it... His movements were erratic and more of desperation. His face had turned red and blood shot in his ears as he looked for her.

There were people around him, talking, laughing, smiling moving with joy in their stride among them was she... leaning beside a table, sipping soft drink from the green 7up can while a schoolbag hung idly from her shoulders. It was she! She was looking at the performance on stage. And the filtered rays of the sun through the dark green net of the huge tree fell softly on her hair and face. The light gave her face an aural glow and her hair appeared to be made of gold. She looked so happy and her eyes twinkled as he stood and watched her in the passage.

He stood there, as her friends and she made her way out of the crowd. He saw her lips move as she muttered "excuse me" and her shoulders and bag bumped into his.His hand went out instinctively to catch hers. It was she, that clumsy bump was the proof.It could be no one but her, that cute clumsy style of walk could only be of one person!

He could have held her hands but his fingers turned to a clenched fist as he accepted the fact. "She didn't recognize him! and the feeling of hollowness turned into wasteful stubbornness and in her mind echoed her bitter words. His knees went wobbly and unable to support himself he sat down there. All he could hear was an echo of her words spoken an year ago, "I don't think I want to see you at all!"


In the same evening a group of guys were partying. It was obvious that the alcohol was showing its effect. "Easy man, you are going overboard", said one.

"I am OK. Dude I am not as Thunk as you Drunk I am.", replied a youngster with a smile and a wink. "It may be be my last party with you", continued the youngster as he finished another peg.

"What do you mean?", said the other.

"I got a job. I am moving to Bangalore.", said the drunkard as he took an envelope from his blue denim jacket and threw it on the table.

Inside the envelope was a letter from NDTV dated 18th December.

Thursday, August 28, 2008


And I miss you.... like the deserts miss the rain....

Everyday I curse, about the workload and long for some rest and yet in the night ... when I hit the bed the sleep evades me... and I pray for some work just to banish you from my mind. ... In desperation I light a cigarette and move to the balcony for some fresh air... I see the stars through the smoke and sigh... What good is a cellphone when you don't have a number to call... I keep my cell back to my pocket ...I still remember those cruel words that tore me apart. I know you never meant them .... I believe you never meant them but here I am battered and shattered...

I long to see you... I yearn to hear your laugh ...but it never matters... Miles apart, you probably never realize that there is someone who really needs you. And I am here ... all alone, I am running ...for, power, prestige... career... No, I am running away from you... I am running away from life... And I smile... someday I will come back... and I promise...

Oops, I shake my hand as something hot touches my fingers. Damn, man I dropped my cigarette on the street below... It's perhaps the nature way to say "Boy, get back to reality!" .

I must go back to sleep...Tomorrow, a hard day awaits me...

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Because I am Alive!!!

Alright, Ladies and and gentlemen Happy Friendship Day! Now, when the fucking formalities are over... Damn man "alliteration!" I am a God damn Fucking Genius!GDFG

I think It must be very clear by now, that this is a total trash. (alliteration Again!). I am completely confused, careless chap. Man I should rename this post as another annoying alliteration.

Complete crap!! I am speaking a blabbering bullshit but What the fuck are u doing here and reading a ununderstandable, unbearable crap.

Alright, I accept, I didn't want anyone to know that where the fuck am I? Secondly, I get highly irritated when you ask me where the hell Am I doing in my relocated city? Thirdly I hate it even more if I get such scraps on Orkut. So please and please don't bug me!

And please, Don't ask me why the fuck did I relocate? And any such stupid questions?And balls man If you ask if you ask my surname! I just don't keep one! Any problems ? And if it is it's yours so please don't bother me!

And yes I do have an attitude problem! Happy? Now you have issues then go get yourself a good Fuck! I don't give a damn!!! And Lastly I am rubbing my ass on a cheese grater to like my new place so don't make my task any more difficult!

Lastly, If you can do all this then "happy friendship day!"

Monday, July 14, 2008

Innocent : Are you???

This post is actually an old mail..and is here to prove that the blogger is not dead.


You saw a couple in an intimate pose, right?

Interestingly, research has shown that young children cannot identify the intimate couple
because they do not have prior memory associated with such a scenario.

What they will see, however, is the nine dolphins in the picture!

So, I guess we've already proven you're not a young innocent child.

Now, if it's hard for you to find the dolphins within 6 seconds,
your mind is SO corrupted that you probably need help!

OK, here's help: look at the space between her right arm and her head, the tail is on her neck,
follow it up. Look at her left hip, follow the shaded part down, it's another one, and on his shoulder..

OH, S U R E , you see them NOW, PERVERTS!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

What If?

One of the most efficient ways of killing time, or should I say slaughtering time is to day dream. And it can be one of the most effective way of "leg pulling". So, when I met "Sid" on 8th probably for the last time since I am relocating, we had those "What If...?" rounds.

In case you want a description of "Sid", I describe him in one sentence. His Girlfriend married his boyfriend. Anyways, Sid asked me three question which are particularly of interest.

Q1. What if you married?
Q2. What if you had kids?
Q3. What if your kids were like you?

Ans 1:
To begin with, it is rather difficult for him to see me married. And before you jump in your chair, we are just friends. And yes he is straight. For him, I am the kid brother type, the sweet teddy bear type material and not a "marriage guy" or "my boyfriend" type. An idea which I strongly disagree.

For all the attractive females out over there, the question was put up for an open invite. It doesn't matter whether you are committed or married or whatever. The only condition is that the time you are going to spend with me I need your absolute and undivided attention, the rest of the time you are free to do whatever you like! two time, three time, I just don't care!!! After all I started to blog to impress the gal and some chicks. Till date my score is still zero so please help. Your contribution is appreciated and greatly revered!!!

Ans 2:
Now the "if" in this question doesn't regard to my capabilities. FYI, and to the benefit of my female readers I want to make clear in no uncertain terms that I am not technically challenged. In other words, there has been no "manufacturing defect" with me and I come with a life-time guarantee, until and unless critical parts are intentionally damaged or severed. No replacements in any case. Please read the offer document carefully before you apply.

The question pertains to the fact do you really want to clean the shit at middle of the night? Come on gals, do you really want to loose your great figure and want to be called an "Aunt" or "Aunti" all for a damned bald baby? Do you really want that your career, your hobbies, you friends and all the things you really care about take a back stage because some stupid bald classical singer has started to sing?

Ans 3:
Heck, Kids!!! and then the one like me! I won't even wish that for my enemy! I know it might sound exaggerating but you should really ask my parents about it. Every time, I wish my Dad a "Good Morning"! I get the same reply, "Son, after having a son like you I am sure that none of my mornings are ever going to be good!!!" The world is already a very complicated and bad place. We shouldn't complicate it any further, right?

The day I was born, I stopped an old woman from going to the church, spoiled a Christmas party, and kept awake my whole family. My parents had no clue that their child is a devil incarnate, and is a result of "law of averages" Don't worry, if I have a baby that is just like me, either I am going to commit suicide or I am going to kill the baby. And killing the baby would just be a self defense!!!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

My personal resolutions - Update

My cigarette intake has reduced in past several months, but I never promised to reduce it!!! May be I'll quit if I don't get my brand.

Chetan Bhagat in his book said, "When bad things come to an end, good things also come to an end". Same words can be used to describe my feelings, today being my last day in Mumbai or rather Navi-Mumbai. I am relocating to a new place, though it is not some hill station with lots of "Mongolian race" gals. I have atleast stayed on my words.

I suppose my plans of opening a "Chinese tapri" (Chinese stall) in front with a "Chinki" (no offense meant, the word is just easier to type) gal in front of J.W. Marriot will have to wait

I wanted to meet some friends, some acquantices, some people I know and some whom I knew, but you really can't have everything. Funny I am saying such things about Mumbai, two years earlier I would have scoffed at the idea.

The worst part is that my cigarette is rare and costs INR 6 compared to INR 5 at my new city. (city may be just a generic term!!!)

There is only one thing left to do burn my personal dairy. I guess I'll ask my friend to do it!!!

I think these lines makes more of a sense now..

lo ateet se utna heen,
jitna ki poshak ho,
jeern- sheern ka moh to,
mirtyu ka dyotak hai..
Gati jeevan ka satya cheerantan...
itne gatimay bano
jitna ki swayam parivartan hai...

I guess I should say "Astla vista Mumbai" or "Adios Mumbai" or "Goodbye Mumbai"...Nah I'll do it my style

Jai ram ji ki Mumbai Baba. Jai ram ji ki Maharashtra!!!

Monday, June 09, 2008

Destructive Mind

About five years ago I recieved an e-mail from a friend-acquantice that contained a beautiful poem. I reproduce it as follows:

Around the corner I have
a friend,
In this great city
that has no end,
Yet the days go by
and weeks rush on,
And before I know it,
a year is gone.
And I never see my
old friends face,
For life is a swift
and terrible race,
He knows I like him
just as well,
As in the days when
I rang his bell.
And he rang mine if,
we were younger then,
And now we are busy,
tired men.
Tired of playing a
foolish game,
Tired of trying to
make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I
will call on Jim"
"Just to show that
I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes
and tomorrow goes,
And distance between
us grows and grows.
Around the corner!
yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram
sir" "Jim died today."
And that's what we
get and deserve in the
Around the corner, a
vanished friend.

Today, while I was cleaning my suitcase in which I keep my souvenirs of good and bad times. I found this semi-original creation probably written to vent out my anger!!! As I see today, this destructive version of the above poem has more of a relevance.

Around the corner I am
the fiend,
In this great city
my vice has no end,
Yet the days go by
and weeks rush on,
And before you know it,
the terror is on.
And you never see my
ugly fiends face,
For I am swift
and have terrible rage,
I know you're like me
just as well,
As in the days when
you could sell.
And you'd bend line if,
you had the dime,
And now you are sleazy,
tired men.
Tired of playing a
foolish Saint,
Tired of trying to
make a dent.
"Tomorrow" you say! "I
will damn him"
"Just to show that
I make him."
But tomorrow comes
and tomorrow goes,
And your cribbing
grows and grows.
Around the corner!
yet miles away,
"Here's a message
sir" gone are your days"
And that's what you
get and deserve in the
And I've beaten you,
in your own den.
I am your creation,
from your own pen,
This is my strength,
and this is your bane.
My time has come,
and you are down the drain.
And I own the rainbow,
and all u have is pain.
Around the corner, I
have beaten you in your game.
Around the corner,
there is a hell.
I am its master,
and its for you to dwell.
Around the corner, I
have beaten you in your game.
and before you know it,
I am the vanished fiend.

I told you, "A destructive mind can be very creative!!!"

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Inflation and the stupid Economist

Child Psychologists say that a man who has got 20 years of formal education, has irrevocably lost or damaged 70% of his IQ. I have completed 18 years of formal education by 10 + 2 + 4 years (and 2 years in kinder garden) so I must have lost 63% of my IQ. Hence I no qualms in saying "Main panchvi pass se tej nahin hoon" ( I am not smarter than a 5th grade kid.) Having said that, I hope the readers will appologise me for my stupidity and mistaken concepts regarding Inflation and Economy.

Though I don't have an much of an IQ, I have my basic chemistry intact and a little bit of common sense.

Basic crude oil Refining

As seen from, petrol being lighter and more volatile distills out first at about 120 C while the diesel comes out much later at 270 C. Obviously more energy is required to extract diesel from crude oil and as such it must be more costly. However in India we get Diesel at about INR 34 and Petrol at about INR 50. Diesel is subsidy, as India being an agro-based country needs diesel for tractors, tube wells etc.

If that's the case then I don't understand why the Under Performing Alliance prime-minister and the famous economist Dr. Manmohan Singh means by "subsidy cannot be given forever"

Does he mean to say that Diesel prices will be raised by about INR 15? Does he mean to say that the successive government knowingly gave the Oil companies huge losses and deliberately planned a situation where they don't have funds to buy crude oil? Does he mean to say that in last 60 years none of the oil companies ever made a profit? And ONGC being rated in Fortune 500 is a hoax?

Unfortunately, facts tell otherwise. In Pakistan, as on 16 March 2008 petrol was INR 39.64 where as Diesel was at 24.59 INR. In 2002, petrol in India was costlier by 22% and 45% compared to Pakistan and Bangladesh respectively.

Anyway, as I said I am no economist, so before starting this post I looked up to the dictionary to know what the term subsidy means. Well, Webster defines subsidy as a grant by a government to a private person or company to assist an enterprise deemed advantageous to the public.Unsatisfied with the definition I referred a second one and it defined the word more precisely as"an amount of money that the government pays to help reduce cost of product or service"

Obviously the whole and sole aim of subsidy is to reduce the cost of product, so if the world wide oil prices are increasing, the best buffer can be to reduce the taxes on the fuel. And it is a well known fact, that if taxes are remove from petrol and diesel there prices will fall in India irrespective of the current state of the world market.

It follows that our government and Dr. Manmohan Singh thinks that leaving a tax of INR 20 on an item priced at INR 100 whose production cost is at INR 1 is also a subsidy and it cannot go on forever.

To show the greatness of our economist and our budget planners, let's look at a very simple item. Milk in India costs about INR 20 while as a Soft Drinks are priced at INR 30 a litre or INR 42 per 1.5 litre. And before you jump to say that Soft drink is a Luxury while milk is a necessity, I haven't finished yet. Mineral water is at INR 10 per litre!!!

Now, does the government thinks that a drinking water is not as big necessity as that of milk? Or it simply wants to state that two litres of water are equivalent to 1 litre of milk? And don't you think that 250 ml of carbonated water ( 1.5 litre of soft drinks) should be made cheaper???

It is pretty strange that we will fight with our grocer for charging 50 paise extra, fight out in court to avoid paying a rupee extra over MRP but never ever utter a single word when the government makes us pay through our nose in name of inflation. Like I said, we all have had formal education and has lost our IQ somewhere during our education.

So, what's wrong if we pay more? We are making our country developed, Right? No wrong again!!! Let's see how we spend the money! 5-year plan is turned into a 50-year plan of corruption. So our Under Performing Alliance (UPA) government takes pride in the sucess of the "Pradhan Mantri Gram Sadak Yojna". It is simply a waste of money. It's an insult to labour and mockery of intelligence.

What kind of road do they build? Is it a pitched road? a concrete road?NO. It is a road that is made of clay. Motorable during summers and with monsoon it disintegrates, and the next summer the process is repeated again. Why can't they sanction a pitch road?

I guess, our Prime minister has done a PhD.and thus has more than 20 years of formal education and has lost more than 70% of his IQ. He is incompetent to make his own decisions and thus needs guidance in everything he does. And the God Sent guidance in form of Under Performer's Alliance chairperson Ms. Sonia Gandhi!!!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Point to ponder over Raj

I agree that this post on the speeches by the MNS chief Raj Thackeray has come quite late but I intended it to be delayed as my first response is quite impulsive and need not be of any wisdom. Now I do not claim that the post contains unquestioned knowledge, deep thinking or wisdom but obviously it would be less inflammatory, less impulsive which makes it worthy of a look.( mind you not read) The second reason for the delay was that I intended to do a lot of research before I write this one. (And for a change I did that but forgot to take down the notes.)

If you have been following "The Hindustan Times" you must have not missed an excellent article on the issue by Vir Sanghvi I too, in my last post tried to make a subtle point with my sarcastic humour, which to my great regret went unnoticed.

Now statistics tells us that about 22% of the mumbai population is of UPites while Biharis comprise about 3%. So, one can agree that to some extent the north Indians are a burden on the city's infrastructure. I, therefore takes Raj Thackeray's words on the face value and agree that North Indians should leave the Mumbai, but before I do that I have some issues.

Going by your logic, Mr. Raj the Gujratis must leave Mumbai before Biharis and ultimately the city should be handed to the handful of fishermen community which were the original inhabitants of Mumbai.

Let's even forget the above logic. Mr. Raj Thackeray is the elite leader of India, so as a commoner I am sure I have twisted the fact to suit me! And Mr. Thackeray is right when he asks the North Indians to leave, but let's look at the facts again. Mr. Thackeray says we provide cheap labour and hence we are depriving the "sons of the soil" of their livelihood. Again during the entire protest period your target group were daily wage labourers, and the Taxi drivers. Though you spoke against the white collar jobs but you did not target them. Evidently, they are of secondary importance to you!

Hitler in his Mein Kemph said on the very first page The German people have no right to indulge in colonial policies until they have brought the brothers of the same motherland under one Reich (Sic). If it's true then by the principle of duality, if you have to move your own people out of your home, make sure, the illegal aliens are turned out first.

I want to ask Mr. Raj Thackeray as to why no campaign was targeted towards the illegal Bangladeshi immigrant before targeting the North Indians. Dharavi the largest slum of Asia,is in Mumbai and a majority of them are illegal immigrants working as petty labourers and often unlawful activities. Yet almost every tenth house sports the MNS flag in Dharavi. These illegal immigrants have got their fake voter cards and huge vote bank for any political party in the city.

So, my dear Mumbaikars and Indians, wake up if we can't see the true colour of these politicians and keep on falling in their dirty traps and electing them time and again. We will be proving the SOB Winston Churchill claims right that India in 50 years will be ruled by 3R's Rogue, Ruffians and Rustics!!!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Laloo - Raj Talks

This is a hypothetical conversation that took place between the Railway Minister Laloo Prasad Yadav and the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) Chief Raj Thackrey. Sorry, but unfortunately, english translation takes the sting out of the local dialects.

Laloo (Thinking): E Raj bilkul hamri tarah hai. Khali ant shant bake jata hai.
Laloo: Raj e kahe ka nautanki kar rahe ho. Bihari sab ko mar ke khali votva kheechna chahte ho.

Raj: To aap rail shuru kar kya jan kalyaan karna chahte hai.

Laloo: Beta, humko maloom hai, e sab tum apna identity bachane ka khel hai. MNS means Mera Naya Sanak. To bhugato fal.

Raj: To aap kaun sa Bihar pe Raj karne jaa rahe hai. Nitish ji ne ukhad diya Laloo Raj. Are Foot gayi lalten, Bah gaya tel, Bak bak matkar Laloo, Jaoge fir se Jail.

Laloo: Rajwa hum burbak nahin hao. Are hum dono ek ke nav mein hai. A Rabri... Are ho tej wa ki mai.. jara pilava Raj ko sattu aur bhaisi Ka doodh. Litti aur chokha ho lete aana. dekha Raj, e sattu bahut bhadiya cheez hau. Demag thandai che. Soonse gatak jao.
Demaag thandai ke hamari baat sunah. Agar hum tum mil ja to soonse vote kheech lebe.
Hum sweekarenge tumaha challenge aur karenge Juhu mein Chatt puja. Aap bologe rokne ko. RPF goli chlaygi 10 protestors ko goli lagegi. Hum ho jayenge fir se Bihar ke hero...Aur apko milb jayega chunnav ke time pe mudda, Aur milega sympathy vote. Bas ho gaya fir Laloo-Raj

Raj: per enquiry hogi.

Laloo: To kya? Awega report 10 saal ke baad? Kya hoga 10 saal baad. Aur sab bhool jayege is baat ko. Aur fir desi ghee ka thekua bhi to khoage.

Raj : Theek hai. Jaisa aap socho.

Laloo: to aap hame Bahari Samarthan denge.

Raj: Bilkul theek hai aap halla kar dijiye ki aap chatt Juhu mein karenge. Aage Main dekhta hoon. Jai Maharashtra.

Laloo: Jai Bihar.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Dog training - What the fuck!!!

I could never really understand, what the term "Dog Training" is all about? Before, you dump this post as a usual crap that you think I dish out to you, a gentle reminder, I always bite then bark. I just don't want to show you, my teeth. However, on this occasion I choose to introduce myself.

I have been training dogs since 1999. I have trained dogs that were 1st runner up in state dog show. I have trained a "stone deaf" dog. I have rehabilitated dogs. And if you consider it as an accomplishment ( keyword being if ) trained dogs from CM's house.

Sure, I don't have a certificate that certifies me as a Trainer but neither do 99% of the people who are in business in India. And I don't need any to prove my credentials to write a post on the topic.

What do you mean by "Dog Training"? If it means to you, a pet that sits when you say "sit", barks when you ask it to bark, eats when you ask it to eat and walks when you want command it to walk. I suggest, go get a robot! you don't deserve a pet. For heaven sake they are living creatures and not some electro-mechanical device that can be switched on and off at your whims and fantasies.

Yet, unfortunately I see a lot of people taking pride in turning their pets into robots. And worst of all, many of them end up spending a sizable amount to a person (read trainer) to torture their pets. The training begins by coaxing, twice or thrice in front of their master and then the dog is beaten mercilessly until it submits. It becomes afraid of it's trainer rather being friend of it! So, you get a guard dog that submits on one single shout and a raised cane.

What the fuck does these trainer train? A dog always barks, it never sings or meows. If you can make a dog do it, that's really training! A dog always walks or runs, it never climbs a tree. If you can make a dog do it, that's training. A dog will always lie down it can never act like "Ashwariya Rai", if you can make it do it, that's training! But then does your dog really needs such training?

Is it necessary that your dog behave like the "Hutch Dog"? And if you want your dog to sing, don't you think you miss a circus a little too much?

For your information, I never trained a dog. All I ever did was that I tried to understand it, and make it understand me!!! I failed miserably when I tried to teach my Alsatian climb a tree, but my Pom did it to some extent, for it was play for it. ( Mind you it never turned into a monkey. And small dog in general have a greater balance than large ones).

Lucy could act like a dead when asked, with her tongue even held out. Even if you move her leg to an angle, it remained in that position until asked to move again, even if it was in air. To her, it was game but I could not make it happen with any other dogs. One carried a full brick from the stockpiles to the construction site - doing a job of one labourer, for she wanted to help her master. Then there was other, that used to bring mangoes from the orchard and take peel off coconuts.

I do not claim I can train your dog to do the same but I can perhaps make your dog do something different and useful. I don't claim that your dog will sit when you will want him to. Lucy never obeyed my command when I asked her to but I can ensure, that you will never have to use leash to control him. I can ensure that your dog will not touch it's bone until you ask it to do so. I don't claim your dog will always listen to you but I can ensure that your dog will follow those unspoken commands that your eyes gave it to him.

And, I don't say I am too good or too bad. I only say that your dog is just like a child, it will always do what you want only if you spend time with it and make an honest attempt to understand them.

Understand their smile, their laugh, their complains, their highs and their lows, assure them in when they see the nightmares, enjoy with them their favourite music and your dog will obey your command without it being spoken. You'll never have the need of trainers. ( And once again they do exhibit these behaviours you only need to observe it!!! Trust me they do smile and laugh, just observe their jawlines and mouth!!! )

Monday, May 05, 2008

Random Meme

Man of Roma tagged me for this meme. I hate Poonam for tagging Man of Roma and the person who started this Meme concept.

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?
Spiderwick Chronicles. Plz make necessary adjustments in the spellings.

2. What book are you reading?
Books. What's that? Potrait of an artist as a young man - James Joyace.(ie if you call carrying a book in your back pack as reading)

3. Favorite board game?
Chess. What else! On my day I can beat And that too in rapid... Unfortunately my day is going to come 60 years from now. And Kasparov will be dead and hence lose on time. PJ. I know.

4. Favorite magazine?
Debonair, Playboy etc... jus kiddin. I mean I like them, who doesn't? but I prefer champak, nandan, Comics World, Archie to name a few.

5. Favorite smells?
Boy I am not a sniffing dog. The smell of wet soil after the first shower. The sweet aroma of budding mango trees in spring. Aroma OF "DESI GHEE" (a kind of Butter) coming from anything that I prepare. ( I can't cook, so add ghee and pickles to anything hot and it tastes fine.) Oh I almost forgot money.

6. Favorite sounds?
Puppies playful barks. MLTR

7. Worst feeling in the world?
Losing LUCY.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
Depends at the place I am in. Most of the time, "it's too early to get up!!!"

9. Favorite fast food place?
Anna Ki tapri. "A shanty near my room"

10. Future child’s name?
ok a> accident
b> mistake
c> faulty
d> loose control
e> Jawani Ki Bhool
f> Again
g> Nevermore
h> trouble
i> Certainly Not mine
j> Divorce
k> Last man!!! ( A full cricket team)

I like the name Ajatshatru ( the one who's enemy will never be borned), Arya Bhaskar ( the Sun of the Aryans )

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?
… buy a lot of dogs and do something for rural education and animal welfare

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
At home I sleep with my dogs and those aren't stuffed.

13. Storms - cool or scary?

14. Favorite drink?
Water. Nothing beats that.

15. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?
wait a minute. what do you mean by had?. Time alone is not important, you need funds too.

16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
Are you going to cook me one? If yes then I do.

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
The nature is hell bent to dye my hairs in grey which unfortunately is my favourite colour.

18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?
Let's first understand what do you mean by livin here. I have lived in several cities for 24 hours!!!

19. Favorite sports to watch?
Cricket == Indian

20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?
Man of Roma comes accross an extremely humble man. He puts his point so subtly yet firmly. And the best part is he takes even my irrational comments seriously and makes an effort to answer them.

21. What’s under your bed?
Dogs yet again at home.

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again?
No way. I would like to be born as a gorgeous gal ... so that I'll flirt with all the boys and make them dance to my tunes. If you have an asset better use it... I mean more marks... more stuffs..and more fun. If that's not the case then I prefer to be born as myself and repeat the same mistakes...well most of them because, every mistake brought me closer to people whom I respect and care for.

23. Morning person, or night owl?
Night owl.

24. Over easy, or sunny side up?
I am weak in english. "Angrezi nahi ati"

25. Favorite place to relax?
In Mom's lap.

26. Favorite pie?
pie = 22/7 and not the irrational non recurring no. 3.1415926....

27. Favorite ice cream flavor?
Left eating sweets in 2006

28. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?

I tag KG, Shikha, Raj. If anyone wants to be torcher oneself, please be my guest!

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Optical illusion

Whoever said that a "a picture is worth thousand words" certainly had not heard of the phrase "all that glitters is not gold." I guess what I am trying to say is that sometimes, the pictures can be a sheer misinterpretation of a situation. Sometime it may be an optical illusion. And sometimes, it can just ask a hundred question.

Well if not hundred then at least four!!! Take a look at this photograph.(I suggest to click it to see the larger image)

Now, try and answer the following questions:

1. Who is bathing whom?
2. Does the dog really loves the bath?
3. Is the job really as adorable as it looks?
4. What type of job description will be best suited for "Ramu Kaka" - the house-help?

Thursday, April 17, 2008

An answer to my Family, Friends and Critcs

So all those who have been time and again asking me questions like, What is your problem? Why are you so irrational? Why can't you be more sensible? Why are you wasting your talent? Why are you not focused? Why do you behave in so stupid manner? Why can't you just act like others? Why can't you think in a normal way? Why do you pass such irrelevant remarks? And why do you ask dumb question which has no connection with the topic? What are your goals? What do you want? etc. And things like that, here is my answer.

First of all, I thank all those who have this irrational, unshakable, illogical belief that I have the potential to change the world which includes my parents, my dogs, and KG, besides others, sorry to disappoint you but I am well aware of my capabilities and my potential, I cannot!!! The majority who thinks that I am talented, or as Nadira* would put it "You try to come across as lout which you are not. " Well talent and lout are relative terms and you are entitled to have your own opinion. Ideas Differ!!!

Biologically I am classified as a "Homo Sapiens" and the reason why I am telling you this is that "Homo Sapiens" are considered "Intelligent". Being aware of my capabilities is to say I am aware of what is the scope of my interaction or environment. As a person I am supposed to act in a manner which will cause me to be most successful. A computer engineer thus defines myself as an "Intelligent agent"!!!

Now looking my problem from the view of AI and AI being the right term since we all acquire knowledge and then take decision hence our increase in intelligence is induced or "Artificial."

Now all those who think it is Greek and Latin let us define "Agent". An agent is anything that can be viewed as perceiving its environment through sensors and acting upon that environment through effectors. A human agent has eyes, ears, and other organs for sensors, and hands, legs, mouth, and other body parts for effectors.
The only thing that separates humans from Artificial agents is that we use both "bottom up" and "top down" approach to decide on our rational actions - Actions that will cause us to be most successful. However, as of now we have little or no amalgamation of these two approach in artificial agents.

To explain in a very lay man language these two approaches, If I ask you to learn 20 formulae of maths, you just get hold of the formulae and mug it up that is top down. All the things are just fed to the knowledge base ( memory ) of the agent. On the other hand bottom up approach deals with solving a jig-saw puzzle, nothing is known you try and find the best possible combination and learn by experience/interaction with environment.

Environment can be of different types:
Accessible vs. inaccessible.
If an agent’s sensory apparatus gives it access to the complete state of the environment,then we say that the environment is accessible to that agent. An environment is effectively accessible if the sensors detect all aspects that are relevant to the choice of action. An accessible environment is convenient because the agent need not maintain any internal state to keep track of the world.
Deterministic vs. non deterministic.
If the next state of the environment is completely determined by the current state and the actions selected by the agents, then we say the environment is deterministic. In principle, an agent need not worry about uncertainty in an accessible, deterministic environment. If the environment is inaccessible, however, then it may appear to be non deterministic. This is particularly true if the environment is complex, making it hard to keep track of all the inaccessible aspects. Thus, it is often better to think of an environment as deterministic or non deterministic from the point of view of the agent.
Episodic vs. non episodic.
In an episodic environment, the agent’s experience is divided into “episodes.” Each episode consists of the agent perceiving and then acting. The quality of its action depends just on the episode itself, because subsequent episodes do not depend on what actions occur in previous episodes. Episodic environments are much simpler because the agent does not need to think ahead.
Static vs. dynamic.
If the environment can change while an agent is deliberating, then we say the environment is dynamic for that agent; otherwise it is static. Static environments are easy to deal with because the agent need not keep looking at the world while it is deciding on an action,nor need it worry about the passage of time. If the environment does not change with the passage of time but the agent’s performance score does, then we say the environment is SEMI DYNAMIC
Discrete vs. continuous.
If there are a limited number of distinct, clearly defined percepts and actions we say that the environment is discrete. Chess is discrete—there are a fixed number of possible moves on each turn. Taxi driving is continuous—the speed and location of the taxi and the other vehicles sweep through a range of continuous values

Needless, to say we live in a environment that is inaccessible, non deterministic,non episodic, dynamic and continuous. In short, the most complex environment that can be possible. Not to mention it is also competitive where every agent works for its own benefit. Obviously, top down approach will not work in such an environment we need to have a bottom - up approach to be successful as amount of information or data to be fed to our memory will be too large to take correct decision every time.

However, our society is hopelessly addicted to the top-down approach which is though easier and very helpful but not a surety. I am learning agent, if you search wiki about it the information on learning agent, unfortunately it is not very helpful. As wiki describes learning agents: In some literature IAs are also referred to as autonomous intelligent agents, which means they act independently, and will learn and adapt to changing circumstances. This type of agent will be most successful in our environment. Note: Homo Sapiens is intelligent and I am a Homo Sapien. Hence by first order logic I am intelligent and thus qualify to be considered as a learning agent.

Structure of a Learning Agent

As seen fro the diagram, such agents have a performance standard as described by the creator like winning a chess game in minimum moves and/or losing as less pieces. In case of human the standard can be set as social status, academic performance, satisfaction level or happiness. It has a learning element which learns from the feedback given from the critic element which evaluates the performance. Like rating given to computer in a chess game is a critic for the software and feedback can be a certain move made in the game. In case of human our performance can be the feedback and critic can be our analysis, friend etc . We are never short of advise. A problem generator, can be a game scenario, or a condition as to move bishop before rook. In case of humans the problem generator can be brain which tells us to choose different road for exploring. I think, the structure is by now more or less self explainatory.

An interesting thing, to note over here is that, in case of learning agent the problem generator, can many times choose to under perform to gain more experience about the environment or in search of a better method. It may even overlook the tried and tested method in order to find a still more efficient way of problem solving resulting in a failure or under performance. The best thing that happens from this is that a deliberate under performance or a irrelevant move may eventually result in a better agent or may be an expert system. The keyword being to innovate.

As a learning agent I try to do the same! The only problem is that my memory is not always permanent and as a result my under performance or performance may not actually teach me something or it may not stay in my knowledge base ( memory) forever. However, I don't think this makes my behaviour is irrational.

If you see from my eyes, I am not weird the world is. I may be an expert system in the making ... Or as the world sees me now, a total failure. I prefer to take my chances!!!

PS: * Names have been changed to protect identity.
        The statements in italics are taken from Artificial Intelligence: A Modern Approach by Stuart Russell and Peter Norvig

Monday, April 14, 2008

I believe .... I did...

Well Plato said, "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet". Now, I don't know what Plato meant by poet, because I see a lot of people who write poems. So, I tried to write one, instead of my sarcasm ..for a change, almost. At best I can be called a rhymester and nothing more... So if you care to read the so called poem...All the best...

I believed that the most mesmerizing thing was
holding a serpent very tight
and staring into it's snake eyes
And then I saw her smile guys

I believed that the coldest thing was
a gun on the temple
that sends a shiver down your spine
And then I found her heart
that had no love for mine

I believed the easiest thing was
to sit and cry
And then I found the hope
to see her before I die

I believed I'll say, "baby it'll be all fine.
Baby you need to give it more time
loving you is no crime."
And I don't know why?
All I managed was a simple good bye

So, I finally wrote a poem. I believe I did. Didn't I? And then it was the turn of my destructive mind. And It interpreted it as follows.

I believed that the most mesmerizing thing was
holding a serpent very tight
and staring into it's snake eyes
And then I saw her smile guys

Duffer, you need to hold the gal tight and not the serpent. For God sake dude, the most mesmerizing thing is six inches below the smile. And, by the way, are you Gay? "And then I saw her smile", she was thinking to dump you in River Nile. That's what is a rhyme. You look at the smile, and by the time you think of talking to her she'll be having two kids.

I believed that the coldest thing was
a gun on the temple
that sends a shiver down your spine
And then I found her heart
that had no love for mine

Nub, dhakkan abe ladki ko bolega ki tu pakka lafanga hai, aur wih bh fatoo to kya pategi kya? (If you tell a gal that you are a scoundrel that too the one who pisses in his pants, then will she be with you?) A gun on your temple... what the heck Agar main hota to wahin goli maar deta.. Dharti ke bojh If, I would have been there I would have shot you then and there, you good for nothing. What the hell do you mean, heart has no love for mine... She is not a terrorist like you that she will love mines and rocket launcher...

I believed the easiest thing was
to sit and cry
And then I found the hope
to see her before I die

So sissy, you sit and cry, because she'll be another man's bride! And she will definitely come to see you with her great grandchildren before you die. After all her greatest broke admirer is dying!!!

I believed I'll say, "baby it'll be all fine.
Baby you need to give it more time
loving you is no crime."
And I don't know why?
All I managed was a simple good bye

Didn't I tell you to work on your English. Had you listened to me earlier this wouldn't have happened. Boy you should have bought that "rapid X" and "English Guru" long ago. See, had you known to speak English properly and correctly, this wouldn't have happened. Duffer, speaking English is a necessary and must condition for impressing a gal. Now you suck and sulk like big loser. "loving you is not a crime", try telling that to her Dad. I am sure he'll understand you.

Well, After having such a mind blowing thoughts on my poem,I think I'll stick to my prose!!!

Friday, April 04, 2008

Sleepless Nights: 2

April 4, 2008 06:21 A.M: I woke up . I had a bad dream. A sleep of less than two and a half hour usually does leave you tired and writing( and not typing) isn't exactly an activity I enjoy. May be I had a nice sleep in the afternoon or may be I have nothing else to do, so I choose to blabber.

Almost a year ago, I posted "Sleepless Nights: My worst Nightmare". It was supposed to be a series of three posts but I just couldn't keep my promise. Now when my plans of relocation are right on schedule with the first minor milestone of the second stage has been achieved, I believe, I have some house-keeping operations to perform. "Computer Geek Language!" - Ya, I know. Anyways, when you make some choices in your career, your heart always aches for something that you wished, but you could never achieve.

Now, before I begin, I want to be absolutely clear on two issues. Firstly, since this post was written with a lot of emotion even after editing it severely, I was unable to take out the mood swings in the post. Secondly and most importantly, that if at any point in this blog or this post for that matter, you feel like I am blaming somebody or something else for my failures, believe me I am not! "I AM MYSELF RESPONSIBLE FOR MY FAILURES. HOWEVER, MY SUCCESS'S ARE A COMBINED EFFORTS OF EVERYONE I KNOW, EVEN MY RIVALS."

There are a few things that your heart yearns for until you go to your grave. Sadly enough, the best thing you can do about it, is laugh it off. NDA to me, was one of them. "Do you have it in you?", I doubted. I seriously doubted myself, and just to prove it to myself, I took NDA. Well, you may ask, since you are an engineer, what about IITs. No IITs was within my grasp, I know it. It was just a matter of 1 year of sincere, dedicated hard work. The day I realised it, IIT lost its charm. Moreover it never offered an undergraduate programme in "robotics". No university does it except the New York University.

Being, a believer that "compulsory military service" should be made mandatory in India. I always wanted to be a part of the armed forces. Not, to make it a career but serve for a period of two to five years and then move on to what I am best at. Dad wasn't exactly pleased, but he didn't show it to me then.

A first year engineering graduate student, going for a simple BSc that's understandable. His opinion was shared by many of my friends and colleague but were I to listen?

No here comes a total surprise, a call letter from 4 AFSB, Varanasi and I have this knee injury that forces me to take help even to go to loo. In such a fine condition, I take a 36 hours long journey, thanks to Always late Indian Railways. I go back home from Mumbai and as suggested by my friends, no reply is sent. A few weeks later, another call letter arrives asking me to come for SSB interview about a month later from the earlier date.

By, that time I can walk without any apparent limp but running was damn painful. Another six hours journey - courtsey "always late Indian Railways". Surprisingly , Dad accompanies me to the station, for what I don't know? He couldn't come with me to SSB so what was the whole point if he had to return the same day? Probably, that's what father's are there for? Even though he may not agree to you but he'll always be there for you.

I clear my screening test, and I am in for the next five days. Everything went fine, until it came to GTO tasks. It was not bad enough, but my knee had a different story to tell. Leaping and jumping was extremely painful. When it came to personal tasks it was awful, I couldn't take it anymore. It was an internal injury something to do with ligament, so I could fake, I was perfect.

At that time I knew, I was nowhere near perfect. Even jumping as high as 3 feet, felt like I was going to do a pole vault at the Olympics. Climbing on a five-feet barrier seemed as if climbing up a prison wall. And this is comming from a person who spent half of his childhood climbing trees.

To add to my misery, there was a crash - I still remember that fall distinctly. Worse of it, the candidate fell from the pole while executing my command. Boy, why didn't it happen at my time? When I was leading the way. Now what am I supposed to do, when you take away my rope? Man, I was the only person to execute that task in my entire batch that took GTO that day. I get my teammates accomplish it get my objective completed. Now on top of it, you take away my rope, and ask me to perform the task again, in lesser time. At least, you could have given me extra credits! But who listens to me?

Well, I was rejected. They say group task is not a physical one but a psychological one . In that case, I suppose I never had this quality to begin with.

Again this bloody "always late Indian Railways" stopped this train at about 23:00 hrs about two km away from the station. Hell, I already had a rough day, what the fuck do you want more? I am tired, fucking tired, travelled more than six hours already in a jam packed General compartment, do you still want to screw me? An hour passed, and then it was two . The signal was still red!!! Yeah, It never happens but it happened to me!

I am dead sure, the signal man didn't turn the signal green because he was drunk dead. Well, you can't really blame him as his grief was so immense. He must have found out that his wife had left him for another man - No, for another woman! His daughter is sexually active with two men at the same time - both incidentally his sons! His sister has turned whore to provide for his eunuch father. While his mother is being humped by a dog - the same dog that ripped of his balls!

"O God! What worse can happen to me tonight?", I asked. Another mistake - "God always listens." At about 01:00 hrs, I decide I had enough. Enough of waiting, I picked up my bag and jumped out of the stationary train. "Damn My knee!!!", I cursed as I felt the jerk . "Didn't I say God always listens!" "OK. God if you are there, hurt me some more! can you? No you can't because you are not there!"

I take my next step, and my foot is into shit! "Welcome to Indian railway tracks the largest public toilet in the world "Very Funny!" I thought, " Try something better God, I am sure you can do it!"

Sometimes I wonder, "What the fuck is the God doing when I ask him for something good?""What the fuck was he doing when I prayed desperately to him to get me selected?"

Perhaps, God is a sadist and he took up my challenge! Well may be, I was too frustrated, or may be I was damn angry or may be I am a masochist or perhaps was determined to deny him the pleasure. I took up the challenge too. And this battle I was determined not to lose. Ever tried walking on the stone chips on the railway tracks? That too in formal shoes?

I don't remember what time it took to complete my journey but it was over 03:00 when I reached home. I dropped on my bed like a stone but sleep eluded me! Lucy stayed by my side all the time, silent but understanding. Very understanding! 5:00 AM I got up and opened the door, Lucy went out to the backyard. 15 minutes later she was back with me. At 5:40, my brother left for school and since Mom was up, I had my tea by my bed-side by 6:10.

Usually, Lucy prefers to stay on the floor or her bed and Mom likes it that ways. However, on that day she made an exception and neither Lucy nor I was met with raised brows. By 7:00 AM, I guess I was over with Dad's lecture cum condolence. Well, it was then I found out that he never appreciated NDA. CDS was however fine, by him He was very sarcastic about my choice of NDA, and the JNU degree and all that.

I don't remember a thing of what he said or rather heard anything he said except for a couple of sarcastic remarks, which he dished out with amazing generosity. Sarcasm, I guess is in my genes.

By 7:30 or 7:45 I guess, I was alone in my room, Lucy by my side calling to Nadira*. Yeah, so you thought this post wouldn't have her name? Sorry, to disappoint you!

Personally, 7:45 AM, isn't exactly the time I would do baby sitting especially when I call the baby and he/she slams the phone with his/her venomous tongue which would put even a snake to shame! Luckily, It was not I who had to baby sit but Nadira. And as always she was wonderful at what she did. Had it been me, instead of her I would have dosed of to sleep but she beared my incomprehensible blabbering for unusually long period. Well, she always does that!

Then, I got up burnt my first diary. Satisfied to the greatest extent, my destructive mind was tired. I drifted off to sleep, but there was one thing I could not burn down .. the fall.. the thud.. the memories of the SSB...

Now, please don't give me fucking comments that try for CDS or it happens. I am a person, who does not take failures. Neither, am I satisfied with being "also ranked". And I do not have guts to take another SSB rejection so keep your mouth shut. It's my life . It's my way and I don't give a damn!!!

Lastly, Nadira. I do not know if you do visit my blog or you are going to read this post, but I want to say one thing. Before I wrote this post, I never realised how important was your baby sitting at that time. And I never knew how difficult it was for you to bear me. I never knew that you indeed supported me during that time...and since I had burnt my diary and took a while to start one...I never understood your role.

And, true of me, I never thanked yoy for that. So all I wanted you to know that I will... Someday I will... I surely will.

Right now, I thank Lucy for being with me through thick and thin... You were the best friend I ever had...May your soul rest in peace...

Tuesday, April 01, 2008


After many years, I looked up into the sky and felt the same calmness inside me that I felt years ago. I don't know whether any of it makes sense, or whether I do want to make sense but I just want to make sense but I just want to say, blabber, and I don't really care if you get it or not. I write for myself.

Years ago, I used to look up into the sky and gaze into the stars. I never noticed any constellations, or moon or any such thing for that matter. I used to gaze for hours and hours. I felt I was one of them. they told me, that they are always with me... forever, I used to connect with everyone, I cared through them. I thought , if they look up, they would be seeing the same stars, that means if we see the same thing, inspite of the distance, we are indeed connected and close.

They were my biggest strength and motivators. They had always been there. Slowly glowing and illuminating the darkness. Giving light when there was none. Giving hope when there was none. people of the past, present and future used to see them, still see them and will always see them. I could connect to everyone from past and the future. They took me beyond time and era boundaries. They took me anywhere and everywhere I wanted to be.

Then things changed, I fell in love. And she took away my greatest strength. For every time I used to look up, I saw "Orion"and It reminded me of her. Her face, the yellow light of the street lamp that gave her face a golden glow, as if she was made of gold .... the beauty so pure and innocent that touching it would make it dirty. Her dark eyes that shone as black pearl... mesmerizing... enchanting... and captivating like black magic. Her scent- the scent of a woman- the fragrance of love...

The stars mocked at me now, reminding me of my failure. They reminded me of their being out of reach - just like her. The immense distance between us - reminded me of the greater distance between her and me. The darkness of the night reminded me of the dark questions that were between us . The coldness of night and the stars reminded me of the cold feeling she had for me. These stars haunted me, tormented me. These tiny dots reminded me of the my insignificance in her life.

Today when I looked up, it gave me calmness - A CALMNESS OF DIFFERENT KIND. The stars told me, that even if one of them falls it really doesn't matter. It never matters to anyone. That is their destiny and in all probability mine too. They are supposed to exist as long as they can. Their sole purpose is to exist.

Sometimes when I smoke, I think whether I am burning the cigarette or the cigarette is burning me? The fact is: It really doesn't matter. It never mattered to anyone. We both are burning because somebody else wants us to burn.

I am suppose to exist as long as I can. I am running, for what I don't know. After all my education and hard work, what I really desire I really don't know. I have walked on a path for 22 years, where do I want to go, I don't have a clue. Where does this path lead to beside graveyard I don't know. What will become of me, beside my ashes being thrown to "Ganga" no one knows. May be this statement coming from a loser doesn't weigh much but I still ask: "No matter what I do, how much I earn, what I achieve, in the end I am still going to eat the same bread. Khainge to wohi roti na!

"FOOL", you say. I totally accept!!! But what do you really want?

Monday, March 24, 2008


I visited this site to know about my death... and it's hell lot of fun.

Ashish: At age 26 you will realize that you actually died three years earlier, and have been dreaming all the events since then.

Boy that means I this is is the last year of my life... Now taking Poonam's advice I try to be optimist and let's look at the brighter side...
  • I can now smoke without worrying about it's ill effect on my health
  • I can now have have sex without protection, who cares about HIV

  • I can also indulge in high risk behaviour... Awesome threesome I come.

  • I can afford to booze all my life( which isn't much)

  • I don't have to care about your fucking comment.

  • I can now hope to get attention of those hot babes.

  • I can now plan to be a multimillionaire as I am ready to fall in well dug in and around Delhi

  • That will me give me a long waited and much cherished instant fame and stardom.

  • I will no longer need to please anyone all I need to is please myself

  • No more statements like "I don't think I want to see you at all." You don't hurt someone who is dying. Do you?

  • If I become a ghost I'll surely fuck those Profs of mine who made my life a hell

  • I won't know if my love has got another guy.

  • May be she'll cry when I die. Can you imagine she just might feel for me!!! Ain't it cool?

  • I'll be with Lucy... my baby

However, the pessimist inside me says, " Bullshit!!! Alas, it's a wishful thinking!!!"

Saturday, March 15, 2008

A few hours spent at Kolkata 1

Before I begin this post one thing I want to make it absolutely clear and that is This is not a travel post!!!

I had this opportunity to spend about five to six hours in Kolkata while waiting for my connecting train to and from Hyderabad. So, in all I spent about 12 hours over a period of two days. Hence, at best, this can be description of what little I saw of the city, and certainly not the entire Kolkata.

The first thing that you notice while you enter the Howrah is the Howrah Junction itself. Now why would I mention this especially after seeing VT (Mumbai). No doubt VT is much older, cleaner, and more beautiful than Howrah anytime but that's it.

Howrah actually beats VT outright due to various reason. Firstly, Howrah Junction is itself very beautiful; somewhat, resembles to the chinese castle in "Age of empire". Secondly, It is adjacent to Howrah Bridge, now called Rabindra Setu which is extremely beautiful. Thirdly it overlooks Hoogli and that adds to its beauty even more. Fourthly, The view from the the First class waiting room is exquisite with its large terrace looking over the bridge and the river. And Fifthly, because of its design to allow cars to enter, right next to every platform.

Now according to me, Travelling means to visit and experience something which is very intrinsic to the city culture and way of living.Remember being cheated is also an experience. So Dear gals if you are expecting a list of shopping centres; you'll be disappointed. Now, since I had pretty less time mind you, I need to freshen up too!!! I made a mental list of things that one must do to make his visit to Kolkata count and here is the one.
  • To visit the by lanes of Kolkata and see its culture and way of living.

  • Travel in tram which can be done in Kolkata (So Dear, Switzerland you'll have to wait!!!)

  • Taste its famous Mishti (Sweets) for which the City is famous.

  • A walk down the famous Howrah Bridge.

  • Taste its famous "fuchka" or "Pani Puri".

  • A ferry ride across Hoogli.

  • Ride the famous and unique hand pulled Rickshaw.

  • Travel in Metro (Even though Delhi has one)

  • If get a chance ogle at some "khoob bhalo Bongali Beauty"

The best part about my journey was that Dad was there to accompany me. Now that was fun, since this is the only trip I can recall, in all my life; that had two of us alone. At the age of 22 it may sound odd, moreover I never expected it to happen at this time and age, but like I said I give a damn about your opinion.

As I was with my Dad, I hope it is clear by now that by lanes does not mean "Sona Gachi".

Anyways, the first thing that you notice about Kolkata is the leisurely pace at which this metro moves in. It doesn't have any air of the metropolis it is portrayed as; and is damn cheap. Kolkata is a city where you come to observe, that it is happy to preserve its culture and traditions, and not to mention those old depleted bungalows amidst the "New malls" that are coming up. If you ask me, I sometime wonder, if the photographs of two different centuries are superimposed on one another; for a Mall looks quite odd among a shanties of shops selling tea in a "Kulhad" (earthen pots.)

Now Kolkata is not a clean city, in fact it is dirty, and very dirty however. it doesn't stink like Mumbai. In fact as soon as you leave the road and walk on the pavement/corridors of the of the porches of the big Bungalows, which overlook MG Road, and now house several of the shops which sell Sarees, sweets and other things a sweet aroma of incence greets you. Something similar to the smell that comes around; the incence during the "Durga pooja". Near the pillars, of which a dull white plaster is coming off due to lack of maintainece of the bunglows; still support the corridor arches, you will more often than not will you find a small road side tea stall selling hot tea in "kullhad" or earthen Pots. Beside it runs an open concrete drain which is 4 inch deep and about 18 inch wide is liberally filled with broken earthen pots. Occasionally you see a tap about three feet above the ground which is always running and scores of children bathing mother naked and enjoying the cool water as if there is no tomorrow. At one of the corner you are bound to find a "Pan Shop" ( A beetle shop) and beside it you will find a lottery counter or a "Pani Puri wala". Sounds of salesman claiming to have best of the Sarees will always greet you once every three step.

More of it later...

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentines day again!!!

Last year at this time, I was fevourishly working on Diaries... taking out paragraphs... changing and arranging dates and name for a post which didn't become exactly popular. This year, I did what I always wanted to do from several days... I slept! Alas I did it!!!

Don't worry I slept alone and single. This month I have spent more time in train, travelling than rest of the job put together. No wonder I was tired, and while rest of the North Indians were fleeing Mumbai, I was having a drink to get some sleep. So finally at arround 8:00 AM it came.

And thanks to the Airtel and their pathetic service, all my incoming and Outgoing calls were barred... so complete isolation. Then I woke up had my Gudang Garam, with no one to share or scare me... so complete bliss.

Now, This is what I call true Love. Sleep, No doubt we have legends of long sleep all across the world.

Lastly, for all those who are single Wishing you all a very happy Independence Day

Friday, February 01, 2008

It just didn't happen the way I expected it to

More than a decade ago someone gifted me a book "Miracles on Wheels" by Anatoly Markusha. Now this book was special as it was for all budding engineers, as the author puts it, and it was coming from someone who was a Test pilot for over 20 years; and was closely associated with the Russian space development program.

However, what I learnt was not technical, it was a lesson of life. It was his narration of an incident which I present to you in his words:

...An old friend of mine came to call on me one evening.He was in fairly low spirits. We got talking, and he told me that he had to operate -- my friend was a surgeon --that day on a badly injured thirteen-year-old boy.

"Can you imagine it, he fancied himself as a rocket-builder! He'd put together some sort of three-phase technical wizardary, and filled it with offcuts of photographic film, gunpowder and matchheads. Add some other abomination, and it's all set for lift-off. And the whole caboodle exploded in his hands and cut him badly. We had to amputate three fingers, and I feel sick when I think of the number of stiches he needed!"

"..... the conclusion I come to is that we should teach them, explain things, make them more aware of technical ins and outs. Don't you agree?"

I went to the hospital and met he boy. I said,"What happened? What went wrong?" And the boy barely able to speak replied, " Nothing!!! It just didn't happen the way I expected it to."

What an attitude!!! Kudos what a spirit! The never say die attitude! Hats off to this guy. I salute you!!!

If you had been reading this post carefully you might have thought ...Crap man this is fake and it's apparent!... How can this good for nothing blogger remember each words that he read more than 10 years ago...

Well here is your answer... Years later, only recently I found the book still standing out despite the dust, its hard bound cover partially distroyed by termites. It still had a shine of its purple and grey cover colour kept on a rotting bookshelf in the attic at my outhouse. I greedily took it hoping to reread it. Motivate myself! And there it was at the very first chapter "The three notches of my memory". It was the author's second notch. There was the story... represented as it is except the last paragraph. It couldn't have been possible! the awesome reply had to be there but the story ended. I reread the book hoping to find a reply and reread it again. It was not there. It had never been there...

I smiled, it just didn't happen the way I expected it to be!!!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


I stood, I tried, I fought, I fell,I bled I lost, I broke, routed, shattered. I'll still smile.... It just didn't work I expected it to...

I will rise... Someday...

Friday, January 18, 2008

My Best Friend - Lucy (May 22 1999 - September 28 2007)

I still can't believe it happened and my family hid it from me for so long... I still expect her to bounce from nowhere. She was my best friend. We were best pals. We slept in the same bed. She was with me all the time.

It seems like yesterday, she was there looking nervously from Mom's arm lean face, ears drooping and brown eyes. I still remember I overfed you with those cheese and almost killed you. I still remember how you resisted when I forced you taste my blood dripping from dagger wound.

I know when I hit you, and you still stood by me. I know you always fightback like you did the last time you were down. Baby you remember you threw up on my face.

Baby please come back!!!. Promise man I won't tease you. Bet please come back. Damn it come back!

I lost a part of me when you went...Lucy ...I'll remember you always. I'll love you beta. You were the best thing that I ever had....