PS: The Blog Header is designed by Ashish - The Future Emperor of the World

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Digressed Writing & My Theory of Impossibility

Well, I don't know what I want these days... It's like running a rat race!!! And while some say i have just become lazy these days ... it's just that I don't feel motivated or interested in anything, NOT EVEN PORN. I feel like something is missing, something... Something that I cannot put my finger on it.

Superficially I am cool, too cool or rather casual for everyone but then it's just that I don't want to be serious. When you are serious, you should be serious for something that you desire, something to cherish, something meaningful, something worthwhile...

But then is there something that is so truly desirable? Are you noble enough to think yourself capable of making a difference... doing something worthwhile..something pure...Well you may be...And I really hope you should be... but I am not. I could have been but I am not...

It doesn't matter whether I could have been or I couldn't what matters is the truth. The present situation or reality or the fact whatever you may choose to call it. The statement is I am not.

"Choose" or choice is funny thing. Sometimes it is good to have it, but sometimes it is even better not to have it. Beacuse when you don't have a choice you have a strategy.

Let me explain, in a game of chess I have a choice of a number of move but my strategy is my decision of playing a particular move while saying no to the others. Whether the strategy is good or bad is different thing all together but then you do have a strategy. "Strategy" is nothing but saying no to all the options and going ahead with one.

However, life is not a chess. "Strategy" is just a tool to achieve your goal but what if your goal is itself not clear. Is it not better then, that you have no choice... then you atleast you know your goal. And you know what you have to do.. because it is the only thing that you can do!!!

I have said it before and I say it again, "Knowing a fact and accepting the fact are two different things!" While knowing a fact is relatively easy it's often much harder to accept the fact. And it is this difficulty in accepting the fact that makes life miserable.

"life is miserable!!!" compared to what?, you ask like a philosopher. "I don't know... I really don't know"...I am not a philosopher, had I even been one, do you think I would have figure it out?...May be life is miserable... compared to the life we expect ...compared to the life that could have been...the life that should have been, the way we expect it to be...the way they ought to be...the life we desire.

So may be life is miserable because of our desires... Now I am not going the Buddha way and claim that I have got enlightenment... the ultimate truth of the universe because surely I haven't!!! If I would have, I wouldn't have been blogging here, right! Would I? And certainly, I am not going to ask you to kill all your desires to be happy. For desires, are also the root cause of motivation... the reason why mankind is where it is now!!!

Remember, even Buddha desired everyone to be happy.(by killing all your desires) Lord Buddha chose an impossible goal... that everyone should be happy. Surely I think it is not possible, is it?

Buddha was a God,so perhaps he was able to find peace with himself but what about the lesser mortals like us?

Many times like Buddha we set impossible goals... or goals that are nearly impossible for us, primarily because we are unable to accept the facts... and there begins the end of our happiness...

Have I told you about my motivational theory? The Theory of Impossibility

See, when you choose to pursue an impossible goal or let's say a nearly impossible goal. You primarily, "know the fact" but "haven't accepted it yet!" An uncomfortable feeling caused by holding the two contradictory ideas simultaneously or Cognitive Dissonance in Psychological terms.

To reduce this uncomfortable feeling, one follows either of the two way:

  • One may give up a goal soon enough. Thus ending the dissonance.

  • One may believe that the goal is not unrealistic and he may achieve it with efforts and more skills and thus reducing the dissonance between the two ideas.

Now, if the person takes the second option, he or she will try double hard to get his goal. As he believes that the goal is realizable, typically that individual will believe he can control events that affect them or with HIGH INTERNAL Locus of control Now as long as his will to work to mold the events around him or self efficacy is able to hold the test of time he will be able to make rapid progress in all the areas in his life.
However, the real motivating factor of the impossible goal would always ask him to push a little harder.. a little bit more.

Such an individual would be high on confidence at least in public partially because of his recent social success due to his never ending quest for improvement,self-awareness and his willingness to adapt. However, this temporary measure will bring still more dissonance and frustration over his inability to achieve his aim.

If by chance, the individual achieves his target/goal it would bring immense satisfaction and high superiority complex in him for achieving his goal. Typically, these individuals when put in tough situations, would recall their struggle days. ( quite often portrayed in movies as supporting actors to the lead).

However, if the goal is genuinely impossible, the individuals may regret their decision and the time spent on the worthless chase, and may become increasingly irritable and short tempered over time.

Perhaps, it is for the same reason underdog stories are so popular because all they have to do is replace themselves with the lead character to satisfy their bruised ego.

Cartoons specially the action packed ones, display such emotions and trend in a dramatic fashion...

Sunday, June 07, 2009

I am growing Insane!!!

Bas Ek Khayal

Mujhe na maloom ki kya baat ho gayi
Na jaane hum se kya khata ho gayi
Tere intezaar mein intezaar bhi so gayi
Na jaane kab tu kahan kho gayi

Din gaye aur mausam bhi badal gaye
Dekhte heen dekhte saal bhi guzar gaye
Waqt ke tufaan mein hum yoon simat ke reh gaye
Ki kehne wale keh gayeki hum bhi bilkul badal gaye

Khud haath se teri tasveer jala kar
Har nishani ko khak mein dafna kar
Aur is dil ko deevaar mein chunva kar
Apni hasthi ko khud heen mita kar

Hamne bhi kadam badhana shuru kiya
Gir kar uthna shuru kiya
Taqdeer se ladna shuru kiya
Aur fir se hasna shuru kiya

Fir ek din kahin se ek awaaz ai
Kisi ke ghar mein baj rahi thi shehnai
Dulhan ke jode se jhaank rahi thi uski parchai
Aur koi thoos raha tha mere muh mein mithai

Ankhon mein ek nami se chaayi
Hooton mein ek siski aayi
Rulayi, bikhlayi aur tadpayi
Murde dil par bijli gir aayi

Na jaane kahan se woh hausla aaya
Uske chehre par maine nazar ghoomaya
Nazooron mein uske maine ek noor paya
Rab ki taqat ko shyad maine khud mein paya

Karz samajh kar maine farz nibhana sikh liya
Apni lash ko doli mein uthana seekh liya
Dua ke saath maine duhaiyi mangna sikh liya
Hasta mukhauta pehen maine bhi rona sikh liya

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

The Sailor: Part 1

Fourth Engineer Ajatshatru, walked out of the cafe door and heaved a sigh. He searched his pocket and found a cigarette,lighted it. The sun shone on his face. His Gold Chain glittered in the sun. He was tall, fair handsome with a chiseled body and jet black cropped hair. His face radiated an aura, he was looking exceptionally smart in his all white navy uniform. He had a face of a Greek God except for a broken nose. He felt all eyes were on him. Those seated inside looked at him with disgust and hatred while those outside admired the "hunk" in the uniform. He smoked a puff,and then turned back to have a last look on her....

She was seated there weeping silently. Oh, she looked so pretty... "Why does she have to do this?", he thought. He wanted to go back to her and wipe tears of her face... like he had done in the past.. but now it was pointless. "Why can't she think straight? ... Why does she always have to be complex?".. a thousand question raced in his mind. "Why is it that only girls have to cry?"

His vision slowly blurred as he stood there. "Damn, the pollution!" Now there was water in his eyes. He took out his black glares smoked another puff and walked off...


A sailor returned home after his long journey. His dog greeted him at the door. "Want to go for ride, boy? ... Wanna go ? " The dog jumped and moved in circles... "Ok Boy let's go!!!" "Mom give me the bike keys?" "Mom where is the bike?" "Where is my Enfield?" .... "It's not in the garage!!!" ....

"Mom ... How many times have I told you all not to touch my bike... Crap I don't like anybody to touch my bike. Why did you let anyone borrow it!!! I hate it when somebody touches it!!!"

"Ajatshatru!!!"... It was the voice of his father!

"Pranam Papa!", he bent down to touch his father feet! ( the traditional Indian way to greet the elders. )

"You haven't even entered the house... and you are already shouting!"

"But Papa, mom allowed someone to borrow my Enfield... Why does she can't say no! I never allow anyone to touch it! Even I didn't allow you two to touch it!"

"Stop Shouting and come inside!", his father commanded.


"Come in!", his father snapped before he could utter any word!

He picked his luggage and followed his father into the drawing room. His dog walked beside him. Even the dog understood the situation....

"Well, I sold your bike", his father spoke in a grim tone.

You Sold it! You sold my Bike! , he thought. He couldn't believe what he had heard... He slowly spoke slowly, more to himself than anyone else. His voice was almost a murmur.. "You sold my bike! I never ever allowed anyone to touch it! I never allowed anyone to ride pillion on it! None touched it except.... "

He got up and took a dog-ball in his hand. His hands clutched the ball as it were a stress ball. His fingers turned white due to the pressure he was applying on the rubber in his hands and walked out...his dog following him.

His mom called out to stop him but his father stopped her, "let him go! He will be fine."

Once, he reached the park he threw the ball with all his strength and gave out a hoarse scream, collapsing on the bench. The dog shot like an arrow, after the ball while he sat there looking blank. In a minute the dog came back holding the ball in it's mouth. It looked at his master with it's tongue hanging sideways. It quietly kept the ball at it's master leg and then jumped and stood beside him on the bench. The young Alsatian looked at it's masters face again and slowly wagged his tail. It then sat down facing his master. It was no more interested in the ball!

The dog sensed the mood of his master and after watching for a while and then gave a slow whimper, and tried to nudge it's brown face at his lap. The master gave it a little pat and the Alsatian slowly licked the tears that had involuntarily rolled on it's masters cheek.

"Damn the pollution!!!", he cursed again. He told to himself, "They sold my Enfield. No one touched my bike ever! No one. Nobody was ever allowed to ride pillion on his bike... No one! It was "her seat." It was Anshika's seat! They sold the last souvenir, the last thing that he had of her!!!" He asked himself the question to which he had no answer, Why can't guys cry?

Memories came flooding back to him, and he saw everything like a movie being played in front of him...

PS: Hi all, it seems that it took me forever to write this story. Can you imagine I started writing it on January 11, 2009 and I have barely written one third of it!!! So at this rate I might never finish it!!! And it's damn long already! Hence, I think I would break it into parts and publish it!!!
Did you like it? Do you like the "breaking into parts" thing? Do let me know!!! And lazy I am, I promise to complete the story though it may take some time... like days or years but I'll finish it!!! And yeah I know i have to post Sleepless Night :3 But I have yet to mentally prepare myself to post the third one. So you have to wit for some more years!!! :D