PS: The Blog Header is designed by Ashish - The Future Emperor of the World

Monday, May 19, 2008

Point to ponder over Raj

I agree that this post on the speeches by the MNS chief Raj Thackeray has come quite late but I intended it to be delayed as my first response is quite impulsive and need not be of any wisdom. Now I do not claim that the post contains unquestioned knowledge, deep thinking or wisdom but obviously it would be less inflammatory, less impulsive which makes it worthy of a look.( mind you not read) The second reason for the delay was that I intended to do a lot of research before I write this one. (And for a change I did that but forgot to take down the notes.)

If you have been following "The Hindustan Times" you must have not missed an excellent article on the issue by Vir Sanghvi I too, in my last post tried to make a subtle point with my sarcastic humour, which to my great regret went unnoticed.

Now statistics tells us that about 22% of the mumbai population is of UPites while Biharis comprise about 3%. So, one can agree that to some extent the north Indians are a burden on the city's infrastructure. I, therefore takes Raj Thackeray's words on the face value and agree that North Indians should leave the Mumbai, but before I do that I have some issues.

Going by your logic, Mr. Raj the Gujratis must leave Mumbai before Biharis and ultimately the city should be handed to the handful of fishermen community which were the original inhabitants of Mumbai.

Let's even forget the above logic. Mr. Raj Thackeray is the elite leader of India, so as a commoner I am sure I have twisted the fact to suit me! And Mr. Thackeray is right when he asks the North Indians to leave, but let's look at the facts again. Mr. Thackeray says we provide cheap labour and hence we are depriving the "sons of the soil" of their livelihood. Again during the entire protest period your target group were daily wage labourers, and the Taxi drivers. Though you spoke against the white collar jobs but you did not target them. Evidently, they are of secondary importance to you!

Hitler in his Mein Kemph said on the very first page The German people have no right to indulge in colonial policies until they have brought the brothers of the same motherland under one Reich (Sic). If it's true then by the principle of duality, if you have to move your own people out of your home, make sure, the illegal aliens are turned out first.

I want to ask Mr. Raj Thackeray as to why no campaign was targeted towards the illegal Bangladeshi immigrant before targeting the North Indians. Dharavi the largest slum of Asia,is in Mumbai and a majority of them are illegal immigrants working as petty labourers and often unlawful activities. Yet almost every tenth house sports the MNS flag in Dharavi. These illegal immigrants have got their fake voter cards and huge vote bank for any political party in the city.

So, my dear Mumbaikars and Indians, wake up if we can't see the true colour of these politicians and keep on falling in their dirty traps and electing them time and again. We will be proving the SOB Winston Churchill claims right that India in 50 years will be ruled by 3R's Rogue, Ruffians and Rustics!!!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Laloo - Raj Talks

This is a hypothetical conversation that took place between the Railway Minister Laloo Prasad Yadav and the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) Chief Raj Thackrey. Sorry, but unfortunately, english translation takes the sting out of the local dialects.

Laloo (Thinking): E Raj bilkul hamri tarah hai. Khali ant shant bake jata hai.
Laloo: Raj e kahe ka nautanki kar rahe ho. Bihari sab ko mar ke khali votva kheechna chahte ho.

Raj: To aap rail shuru kar kya jan kalyaan karna chahte hai.

Laloo: Beta, humko maloom hai, e sab tum apna identity bachane ka khel hai. MNS means Mera Naya Sanak. To bhugato fal.

Raj: To aap kaun sa Bihar pe Raj karne jaa rahe hai. Nitish ji ne ukhad diya Laloo Raj. Are Foot gayi lalten, Bah gaya tel, Bak bak matkar Laloo, Jaoge fir se Jail.

Laloo: Rajwa hum burbak nahin hao. Are hum dono ek ke nav mein hai. A Rabri... Are ho tej wa ki mai.. jara pilava Raj ko sattu aur bhaisi Ka doodh. Litti aur chokha ho lete aana. dekha Raj, e sattu bahut bhadiya cheez hau. Demag thandai che. Soonse gatak jao.
Demaag thandai ke hamari baat sunah. Agar hum tum mil ja to soonse vote kheech lebe.
Hum sweekarenge tumaha challenge aur karenge Juhu mein Chatt puja. Aap bologe rokne ko. RPF goli chlaygi 10 protestors ko goli lagegi. Hum ho jayenge fir se Bihar ke hero...Aur apko milb jayega chunnav ke time pe mudda, Aur milega sympathy vote. Bas ho gaya fir Laloo-Raj

Raj: per enquiry hogi.

Laloo: To kya? Awega report 10 saal ke baad? Kya hoga 10 saal baad. Aur sab bhool jayege is baat ko. Aur fir desi ghee ka thekua bhi to khoage.

Raj : Theek hai. Jaisa aap socho.

Laloo: to aap hame Bahari Samarthan denge.

Raj: Bilkul theek hai aap halla kar dijiye ki aap chatt Juhu mein karenge. Aage Main dekhta hoon. Jai Maharashtra.

Laloo: Jai Bihar.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Dog training - What the fuck!!!

I could never really understand, what the term "Dog Training" is all about? Before, you dump this post as a usual crap that you think I dish out to you, a gentle reminder, I always bite then bark. I just don't want to show you, my teeth. However, on this occasion I choose to introduce myself.

I have been training dogs since 1999. I have trained dogs that were 1st runner up in state dog show. I have trained a "stone deaf" dog. I have rehabilitated dogs. And if you consider it as an accomplishment ( keyword being if ) trained dogs from CM's house.

Sure, I don't have a certificate that certifies me as a Trainer but neither do 99% of the people who are in business in India. And I don't need any to prove my credentials to write a post on the topic.

What do you mean by "Dog Training"? If it means to you, a pet that sits when you say "sit", barks when you ask it to bark, eats when you ask it to eat and walks when you want command it to walk. I suggest, go get a robot! you don't deserve a pet. For heaven sake they are living creatures and not some electro-mechanical device that can be switched on and off at your whims and fantasies.

Yet, unfortunately I see a lot of people taking pride in turning their pets into robots. And worst of all, many of them end up spending a sizable amount to a person (read trainer) to torture their pets. The training begins by coaxing, twice or thrice in front of their master and then the dog is beaten mercilessly until it submits. It becomes afraid of it's trainer rather being friend of it! So, you get a guard dog that submits on one single shout and a raised cane.

What the fuck does these trainer train? A dog always barks, it never sings or meows. If you can make a dog do it, that's really training! A dog always walks or runs, it never climbs a tree. If you can make a dog do it, that's training. A dog will always lie down it can never act like "Ashwariya Rai", if you can make it do it, that's training! But then does your dog really needs such training?

Is it necessary that your dog behave like the "Hutch Dog"? And if you want your dog to sing, don't you think you miss a circus a little too much?

For your information, I never trained a dog. All I ever did was that I tried to understand it, and make it understand me!!! I failed miserably when I tried to teach my Alsatian climb a tree, but my Pom did it to some extent, for it was play for it. ( Mind you it never turned into a monkey. And small dog in general have a greater balance than large ones).

Lucy could act like a dead when asked, with her tongue even held out. Even if you move her leg to an angle, it remained in that position until asked to move again, even if it was in air. To her, it was game but I could not make it happen with any other dogs. One carried a full brick from the stockpiles to the construction site - doing a job of one labourer, for she wanted to help her master. Then there was other, that used to bring mangoes from the orchard and take peel off coconuts.

I do not claim I can train your dog to do the same but I can perhaps make your dog do something different and useful. I don't claim that your dog will sit when you will want him to. Lucy never obeyed my command when I asked her to but I can ensure, that you will never have to use leash to control him. I can ensure that your dog will not touch it's bone until you ask it to do so. I don't claim your dog will always listen to you but I can ensure that your dog will follow those unspoken commands that your eyes gave it to him.

And, I don't say I am too good or too bad. I only say that your dog is just like a child, it will always do what you want only if you spend time with it and make an honest attempt to understand them.

Understand their smile, their laugh, their complains, their highs and their lows, assure them in when they see the nightmares, enjoy with them their favourite music and your dog will obey your command without it being spoken. You'll never have the need of trainers. ( And once again they do exhibit these behaviours you only need to observe it!!! Trust me they do smile and laugh, just observe their jawlines and mouth!!! )

Monday, May 05, 2008

Random Meme

Man of Roma tagged me for this meme. I hate Poonam for tagging Man of Roma and the person who started this Meme concept.

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?
Spiderwick Chronicles. Plz make necessary adjustments in the spellings.

2. What book are you reading?
Books. What's that? Potrait of an artist as a young man - James Joyace.(ie if you call carrying a book in your back pack as reading)

3. Favorite board game?
Chess. What else! On my day I can beat And that too in rapid... Unfortunately my day is going to come 60 years from now. And Kasparov will be dead and hence lose on time. PJ. I know.

4. Favorite magazine?
Debonair, Playboy etc... jus kiddin. I mean I like them, who doesn't? but I prefer champak, nandan, Comics World, Archie to name a few.

5. Favorite smells?
Boy I am not a sniffing dog. The smell of wet soil after the first shower. The sweet aroma of budding mango trees in spring. Aroma OF "DESI GHEE" (a kind of Butter) coming from anything that I prepare. ( I can't cook, so add ghee and pickles to anything hot and it tastes fine.) Oh I almost forgot money.

6. Favorite sounds?
Puppies playful barks. MLTR

7. Worst feeling in the world?
Losing LUCY.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
Depends at the place I am in. Most of the time, "it's too early to get up!!!"

9. Favorite fast food place?
Anna Ki tapri. "A shanty near my room"

10. Future child’s name?
ok a> accident
b> mistake
c> faulty
d> loose control
e> Jawani Ki Bhool
f> Again
g> Nevermore
h> trouble
i> Certainly Not mine
j> Divorce
k> Last man!!! ( A full cricket team)

I like the name Ajatshatru ( the one who's enemy will never be borned), Arya Bhaskar ( the Sun of the Aryans )

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?
… buy a lot of dogs and do something for rural education and animal welfare

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
At home I sleep with my dogs and those aren't stuffed.

13. Storms - cool or scary?

14. Favorite drink?
Water. Nothing beats that.

15. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?
wait a minute. what do you mean by had?. Time alone is not important, you need funds too.

16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
Are you going to cook me one? If yes then I do.

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
The nature is hell bent to dye my hairs in grey which unfortunately is my favourite colour.

18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?
Let's first understand what do you mean by livin here. I have lived in several cities for 24 hours!!!

19. Favorite sports to watch?
Cricket == Indian

20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?
Man of Roma comes accross an extremely humble man. He puts his point so subtly yet firmly. And the best part is he takes even my irrational comments seriously and makes an effort to answer them.

21. What’s under your bed?
Dogs yet again at home.

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again?
No way. I would like to be born as a gorgeous gal ... so that I'll flirt with all the boys and make them dance to my tunes. If you have an asset better use it... I mean more marks... more stuffs..and more fun. If that's not the case then I prefer to be born as myself and repeat the same mistakes...well most of them because, every mistake brought me closer to people whom I respect and care for.

23. Morning person, or night owl?
Night owl.

24. Over easy, or sunny side up?
I am weak in english. "Angrezi nahi ati"

25. Favorite place to relax?
In Mom's lap.

26. Favorite pie?
pie = 22/7 and not the irrational non recurring no. 3.1415926....

27. Favorite ice cream flavor?
Left eating sweets in 2006

28. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?

I tag KG, Shikha, Raj. If anyone wants to be torcher oneself, please be my guest!

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Optical illusion

Whoever said that a "a picture is worth thousand words" certainly had not heard of the phrase "all that glitters is not gold." I guess what I am trying to say is that sometimes, the pictures can be a sheer misinterpretation of a situation. Sometime it may be an optical illusion. And sometimes, it can just ask a hundred question.

Well if not hundred then at least four!!! Take a look at this photograph.(I suggest to click it to see the larger image)

Now, try and answer the following questions:

1. Who is bathing whom?
2. Does the dog really loves the bath?
3. Is the job really as adorable as it looks?
4. What type of job description will be best suited for "Ramu Kaka" - the house-help?