PS: The Blog Header is designed by Ashish - The Future Emperor of the World

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Saturday, December 05, 2009

The Sailor: Part -3

Continued from Part 1 and Part 2 ....

He recalled that day when he made that decision... the decision that changed his life ...the decision that he now regretted. Since the he had seen Anshika, he knew he had to make it sooner or later but that day ... he took that harsh step.

He was in second year of his junior college...He could never have forgotten the day. Anshika and he were in the park. She had missed her tuition classes to be with him. The sun had set and the crimson sky was slowly giving into the darkness. They were chatting oblivious to their surroundings. It was almost a routine for him to debrief her about his day. Unlike the other couples he was the one who did most of talking. He was always known as a friendly talkative guy but on that day it was his “Ansh” who spoke the most. She was worried and afraid that her brother suspected her of having a boyfriend. It was precisely for this reason that she had decided to miss her classes in order to meet him.

While he tried to put her fears to rest, he felt a hand a hand on his shoulder. He turned around to find three strangers staring into his eyes. One of them was visibly upset; he could see his red face and blood shot ears. He didn’t recognize him at all. “Anshika go home!”, the man said in an ice cold voice that cut through the serene silence. Anshika stood there terrified and petrified as if she had seen a ghost.

He had opened his mouth to speak but was met with a punch on his face. “Bhaiya nahin”, shouted Ansh as he fell flat on his face. “!!!”, the words echoed in his mind. How come he always landed in such situation? Damn Ansh, why did you have to call him your brother, that single sentence took both the fight and flight option away from him. He stood up slowly, and tried to speak to the Ansh’s brother but the moment he opened his mouth he was met with a punch in the stomach and then another one on his face.

Ansh tried to rush to him but was stopped by one of his Brother-In-Law cronies. Ansh cried and pleaded her to leave him but in response his brother-in-law kicked him again in his stomach. Ansh begged again and declared that she loved him but in response he received another kick. In a very calm voice the Brother-in-Law asked him to declare, that he did not love her and would not meet her again.

He just stayed still, and this infuriated the third guy and he kicked him. Like a fool he kicked him the third guy back with a “Sweep” and the stranger fell down. This infuriated all of them and they attacked him all at once! When they stopped, he found himself flat on the ground.

His brother-in-law then went on his knees and took hold of his collar forcing him to sit. He then said in a calm voice, “Tell her, that you don’t love her and I will let you go.” Had it been anyone else beside his BIL, he could have broken his neck but he was Ansh’s Brother and because of him, he could not even fight back.

Ajatshatru just smiled back, and received a punch on his bleeding face. He fell again and gave another smile. He realised for the first time that if he was better than anything beside music it was in infuriating people. His smile was met with hurl a kicks...

He felt that he was kicked at every part of his body all at the same time. He had never known that three people could have thirty legs. When they grew tired of kicking him, they stopped. The BIL then asked him in a panting voice, “tell her that you don’t love her and you won’t see him again.”

Like a masochist he smiled again. His BIL stomped on his face with all the strength that he had left in him. Ajatshatru howled like an animal. In a calm voice he spoke again, “I don’t like your face when you smile perhaps with a broken nose you may look better”. He smiled with a broken nose and a blood smeared face. The BIL kicked him again on his face and spoke, “alright guys that’s enough he will remember this till the end of his life.” With that he dragged Ansh into the car waiting outside.

When he was able to drag himself to his home, the safest place where he could be, he was met with hostile eyes. Nobody seemed to care for his feelings; to them he was just spoiling his life. A loafer, an idler a disoriented youth...

After his parents had arranged for the medical treatment at home along with loads on lecture on he should be living his life and how he is ruining his life, he laid himself down on his bed. He reflected on his life and how others thought of him. He could not understand what had he done wrong? What was wrong if he loved Ansh... What was wrong if he did not want to become an engineer or a doctor? What was wrong if he loved music? What was wrong if he wanted to become a musician? What was wrong if he wanted to learn music professionally? What was wrong if he taught himself music all by himself? What was wrong if he could play better drums than anyone in his college on empty tin-cans than anyone could on those fancy instrument? What was wrong if he was not a topper of the class but an above average student? What is wrong if your sister has a boyfriend, when you could have a girlfriend?

The next morning, when he got up every part of his body carried a bruise. Every muscle in his body ached, his face was swollen like a pumpkin but what pained the most was his heart. He had one last look at his room. His karate dress lied in a corner. Beside it on a rack, laid all the medals and trophies he had won in music and karate. In another corner laid three large cans and their lids that he had improvised to make his own drums, the small plastic guitar on which he could play any lead. The small keyboard which an uncle had gifted him on his tenth birthday, a flute that he had purchased from a roadside hawker, a musical instrument made of earthen cup and one string that he made his dad purchase on a train journey and a mouth organ which his friend had given to it after he lost interest in it.... And he could play all of them better than anyone he had met... The only time he had played on real instruments was at the school band where he learned it from the other band members and quickly surpassed them in their own art.

But all this had to go... the world around him had no place for such trash. It wanted people who were engineers and doctors, people who were educated, people who were polished and people who were successful and rich. It had no place for an uncultured Stone Age warrior who could make music out of trash cans. Such people belonged to a circus not in a cultured society as his. For Ansh, he had to be one of those successful people and he had to do that in shortest possible time. Ansh’s family would never accept a struggling musician and that too from a different caste as hers. And he needed to be very rich and successful in order to be accepted in Ansh’s family. A senior had told him that marine engineer earns a lot of money but his social life is a mess. He decided to become one for Ansh... It is a small price to pay for her...

With tears in his eyes, he cleaned each of his instruments for the last time, before packing them away in a large carton. He went on his bruised knee and took his black belt in his hands for the last time before laying it on the trophies which he packed in another carton. He lifted those two boxes and put them in the store room. He never ever touched them again...Never.

He remembered the pleased look on his parents face when they saw him leaving his instruments in a dark corner....If only they could ever understand that he was leaving a part of his life in that dark corner of his storeroom...

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Sailor: Part 2

Continued from Part 1 ....

She had walked out of the eight year old relationship in less than eight seconds... How could she have done this?... Didn't she care about him at all? Was it so easy? She wasn't the type that would just change boyfriends at a drop of hat... God she cared about him a lot...Then why did she change? Did she change in those last 8 months when he was on his first sail. After all that they have seen together, was his love so weak that it could not survive 8 months...

He took out his wallet...only to remember that he had burnt everything that he could, that reminded him of her except those three.... and now one of those three had gone. They had sold his bike...

He felt a wet tongue lick his cheek. He looked towards his dog who looked back at him with a sympathetic questioning eye. He smiled as he patted the dog...And then took him in his arms and held him to his bossom as tight as he could. His eyes became watery and he cursed the pollution again.

He regretted the two decision that he should have never made in his relationship. One, he should have never named his dog a name that Anshika wanted. Dog are loyal while girlfriends are not. Two, he should have never given up his dreams so that he could be with her.

He would be lying through his teeth if he said he had given up his dreams for her. No he had not done that! In all those eight years that he had been with her, he lived to make his one dream come true - To be with her. And he had sacrificed his every ambition for that dream...

He smiled at himself, he laughed and mocked at his foolish dream. A dream that he thought could come true. What not had he done for her...

He was never a bad student ... in fact he was one of the smartest one! But academics was not something he was ever interested in. He was always the one who wanted something that could never into books. He always wanted to be a musician. Always ... till he met Anshika in class 7th.

What not had he done for her?

He smiled at himself ....How foolish had he been... First year at the Junior College... he still remembered it! How could he forget it! The scar at his inner left thigh was a testimony of that.

Teenage does make you commit stupid things like that! Friday evening just after he had come home a common friend had informed him that some ruffians at were eve-teasing Anshika on her way to tuition and back! And the next day, he was there. His information was wrong, they were not ruffians, they were goons! He was alone and they were six of them. He knew he could never match them all alone - even with his Nunchucks. However, he cannot turn back now. They had to be punished. How dare they harass her!

He slowly parked his bike and walked towards them, nonchalantly. He had to surprise them and ensure that his engagement time was less then five seconds. He stood at little distance from them and waited... waited for the right moment.

As saw Anshika at a distance and turned away ... if she saw him would be over before it could begin. As Anshika passed the gang the members passed a lewd comment. Anshika hung her head down and ignored them...He was angry at them, at Anshika, at himself and everyone for letting this happen. Why had she not told him before about this? Did he mean nothing to her?

As Anshika walked down the road, One of the members started following her singing some cheap song. This was the moment... He quietly followed the guy, till he was twelve feet from his gang. And then he gently tapped on the Goon shoulder..

The goon turned and Ajatshatru's left hand got hold of his hair and pulled his face downward while he jumped a little to build momentum and his right knee hit his face, right at his face. "SHOIRAAA" -the hoarse war cry from Ajatshatru lips drowned the painful scream from his victim. "SHOI ... SHOI..." two more kicks at the same place with full power never gave his victim a chance to react!

One down! he told himself mentally as he threw the busted face of his unconscious enemy on the floor.

He turned around, he saw the remaining five members closing on him. He cannot fight them until and unless they fear him. He had only one option left. He ran five steps towards them making an arc from his right to build momentum, he had to connect this one... His bent his right knee took it across the his body lifting it over the level of his left shoulder and then bringing it down with full force using the body momentum as his right hand went backwards as high as he could. He lifted himself to swivel himself in the air lifting his right leg over his head. His right leg rose eleven feet in air and came crashing down on one of the gang members hitting him on the chin knocking him out. The other gang members stood stunned.

He was shocked himself too he had pulled off the 540 kick perfectly but this was not the time to be shocked he just earned himself a couple of extra seconds. He knew his nunchucks had fallen but he had no time to pick it up.

He ran away as fast as he could and they chased him. He looked back and thought that now the only thing left was to separate them. He jumped over the road divider and all the four followed him. The distance between him and gang was not changing neither there was any noticeable difference between his chasers. If this had continued he would have been beaten black blue.

He ran across a traffic signal as it turned green. One of pursuers managed to follow him evading the traffic. He had turned around to face his chaser. It was the first time he looked at his opponent rationally. The person facing him was all muscle atleast twice as strong as him physically and atleast five to six years older than him - in his early twenties. At the prime of his youth which meant he had high stamina. For the first time it occurred to him that probably getting into fight with them was not so great idea.

However, he could not turn back now or rather he had no option. He recalled of his last fight the previous year and thought if he could survive that one he could take this man too! but he had to get over this quickly.

A punch came flying and he just moved enough to take his head out of line but it was good enough to shake the fear off him. The man threw another punch and he parried it way. The third punch came at him from his left, the man was swinging at anything. His right leg move a little back and across and he moved to his left out of the line, while his right hand caught the returning hand of the goon. He kicked the right leg of the goon on the calf and with his left one and held on to the right hand of the attacker. His attacker lost his balance and fell forward. The right hand of the attacker was now fully stretched backward. He kicked with all his strength at the right arm of the enemy breaking it! Three down he thought to himself three to go!

The three chasers had crossed the road and he was trapped he had nowhere to go. He looked around and confirmed there were only three. If he tried, he could give them a tough fight! He recalled the tensed, agonised and terrorised face of Anshika and his blood came to boil. No, he would teach these men a lesson! He would punish them!

He lunged at one of them with a spinning heel kick! While a punch came flying on to him on his face. He flew at the feet of the third goon. As he got on his knees he saw kick coming to his face from his left. He stopped the kick with his palm taking the momentum off by holding the leg a little above ankle while he pulled the other leg of his attacker off the ground. The man fell back on He lunged forward and dropped his elbow at his groin. The man howled in pain. For sometime he would only have to deal with two of them.

As he got up he found a man at his throat choking him. He looked sideways and saw the concrete road divider from the corner of his eyes. He put his both hands to take off the hand choking him. As a result the attacker's other hand came to choke him harder. He now moved his hands and grabbed both the arms of the person choking him and pushed him a little getting to move a couple steps sideways from the spot. The man choking him pushed back with much greater force and locked in that position he started moving backwards. After four or five steps he tightened the grip on the man's shoulder and let himself fall backwards and put both his legs at the chest of the person choking him. He pushed his legs, straight and using the man's momentum against him he threw the flying onto the concrete divider.

He got up and tried to kick the man who he had kicked the first but the goon managed to pull out a dagger and slashed it wildly cutting deep into his inner thigh. Like a man possessed he jumped to the man and began hitting him wildly. The man who had been hit on his groin, suddenly caught hold of his hair and pulled him of the man whom he had been punching.

By this time, there was enough commotion and people had started running towards them. The person wielding the dagger had run away and he held the wrist of the guy who pulled him away. The last goon hit him below his ribs and tried to run away but he managed to hold his ankle and make him fall. He had tried to punch him madly, but the man managed to kick him on his face and got away.

Not wanting to be questioned by the cops, he limped back to his Enfield and rode away. He could not go to a hospital as it would be a police case so at a friend's house he asked for a medical aid. His friend's brother had been studying medicine and he forced him, to stitch his wound.

He smiled and remembered the pain as he took nine clumsy stitches without anaesthetic - as the guy who stitched his wound had just got into medical school and there was no way one could get an anaesthetic at home. He then borrowed his friends trouser and went home.

The next day, he met Anshika, she had scolded him. He remembered their conversation.

"So you think yourself to be a hero or what?"

"No, I think you should have told me about it?'

"So that you behave like a roadside goon?"

"So you mean to say that I should have let it happen?"

"Yes, it is so common! We have learnt to ignore it."

"Just because it happens doesn't make it right. You can ignore it I can't. Somebody has to teach those guys a lesson . And I don't think I did anything wrong?"

"Yes but that somebody doesn't have to be you? What do you think of yourself some superman? What were you thinking when you picked up a fight six people. Don't you know, those people are petty criminals, that's what they do all day?"

"Nothing is gonna happen to me. Remember I am the under-18 State champion of Karate!"

"Stupid you were the silver medalist and you have told me that 100 times. Now where did you get hurt?"

"Here!" he said as he pointed to his lips.

"Shut up! Just tell me. I heard he took out a knife!"

"That's all rumour. He never took out a dagger."

"When did I say Dagger? Show me where did you get hurt?"

"You are always trying to search words to be suspicious."

"Swear on me!"

"Common that's stupid. You know I don't swear on little things."

"Swear on me!", as she took his hands on her head and spoke while looking into his eyes.

He moved his hands away and said, "Ok it is just a little wound in my inner thigh."

"If it had been six inches up then you would have regretted it all your life Mr. State Champion of Karate", she mimicked his style.

"Yeah, if it had been an inch upwards then you would have regretted it all your life Miss World Champion of words?"

"What do you mean?, A.J."

"Ansh, you know what I mean."

"No, I don't."

"Ansh, why do you try to sound so innocent. Ansh, I would have lost "the Ansh" (ansh = "part" in Hindi."

"You boys will always be like that!"

He chuckled , "You wanted to see my wound. Would you like to see it? By the way, I can't wear underwear due to the wound!"

"You are so cheap and disgusting! A.J. I am going. Bye!"

"Ansh Wait....I am sorry...Ansh Please!" and he had jumped from the railing he was sitting and made a fake groaning sound, "LIIIICHHHHHHH"

Ansh had come running back to him with tears in her eyes..."A.J...I am so sorry A.J...I didn't mean it..really.I am so sorry!.."

He had lifted her chin up, cupped her face with his hands and wiped her tears off and laughed.

She realised the trick. "Go to hell! A.J. You love to see me cry..."She said half sobbing and half crying. "I hate you A.J. I hate you!"she said as she kicked her knee jokingly, into his left thigh!

The pain was so severe that he couldn't even utter a sound. He felt the warm liquid running down his thigh as she turned around and walked away...

PS: Will post the third part as soon as I can force myself to write it!

Friday, November 06, 2009

Dream Girl - My take: 1

Hi all, I originally planned to write this as a comment on Sakhi's Blog in response to her Story Dream Girl. I am just going to paste the text here as I think it is too long for a comment! I have thought of an ending but I do not promise to post it as I am too read at your own risk! Sorry Sakhi for lifting the idea without permission. I can remove the post if you want it

And so after months of persuation they decided to meet. He lived in a different city but he never told her about it. It was his dream was his was his date...and he intended to keep it.

On the D-day he woke up early, or rather he couldn't sleep the whole night. Somehow, he would wake up after every twenty minute only to realize that dawn was hours away.

As the first rays of sun touched the ground - a man was all dressed up!

Where are you going? asked his roomie...

"On a date"....

What a date!!! A date ... you mean with a gal.. the 36-24-36 type...?

Yes hopefully!

Are you kidding Dude... The All India Gay Association President is going on a date! and most importantly with a Gal! That's a breaking news!!!

He gave his room mate a scorn but as usual it was ignored completely! As is the case with most of the roomies, and true to their duty..Our Hero's roomie also invaded privacy when it was most required. Show me her pic...

I don't have one... he said as a matter of fact..

ok how does she look?

I don't know! I have never seen her!

What the FUck! You mean Blind Date!!!! Jao beta Vijayi Bhava!
By the way, what's her name?

I don't know!

Man do you know anything! Are you sure you are going on a date? I mean this sounds a big shit considering your experience!

Look Dude! he shouted as his impatience grew. I met her while blogging and I call her Niharika! that's it . Now will you excuse me!

Ok cool Man! I was jus asking!

Well you ask too much!

Ok! cool yaar, chill maar. And hello, aren't you a little too early, for a date...Man even the sun is not up yet!

I am going to Pune... any probs..

No why should I have any problem? "Jaane Jaan dhoondta fir raha main tujhe raat din pune mein kahan", his roomie laughed at his own joke.

Our hero had no option but to ignore him.. and walked out of the door.

His roomie came running behind him and said.."Abe majhnoo card le le are gonna need it!", as he passed him his debit card!

He thanked his roomie and walked out.

As soon as he turned his back on, he shouted ..and take this DEO..she's gonna need it!

Now I am Bored....will type the rest of the story later!

Monday, November 02, 2009

Just a moment Sir...

So here I am, writing a post about something about which I have absolutely no idea. I don't know how it will turn out - But who Cares!

You do!!! Just a moment Sir, - alright I admit I would like it to be a mam albeit a 36-24-36 type but I as well as you do that such species are extinct from my blog as well as my life :( . Common Dude, If It were there, do you think there could be any reason to blog??? It's 0132 Hrs right now and It would be those "coochicoo"-ing times on phone.

Just a moment Sir, I want to clarify that I do not call you "Sir" entirely out of respect. I do so because that makes it impersonal. I would regret to call you brother or friend because you might know something that can be described as: Homo Sapiens females, Age : 21-25, looks: Attractive. Rest doesn't matter!!!

Just a moment Sir, I said "rest doesn't matter" because I strictly means so. It is inclusive of your sister, girlfriend, crush, love etc. Ok you think that was cheap, I don't! That is exactly the reason why I want to keep it impersonal.

Just a moment Sir, I would like to exclude "girlfriend" from that list. Yeah, I know you are still upset but I did not exclude it to please you. I never intended to please you with my post. I simply did it because I know, that you don't have one.

Just a moment Sir, before you open your mouth as wide as crocodile to shout that you have a girlfriend, I would like to remind you that your shouting just goes on to prove that I indeed hit the bulls eye. In case you are still claiming to have one I challenge you to prove it by sending me her photograph, Mobile No, and other contact details so that I can verify your claims. ;)

Just a moment Sir, before you label me as "despo", I would like to say that I am not. In case you did not notice, I said that I would like to keep it impersonal. Furthermore, I specifically mentioned to avoid words like "brother" & "friend". This implies that these words have some relevance to me and I do not hit on my Friends & Brothers close associates. Additionally, I would like to state that the laptop that I am using to type this post is over a month old and yet a virgin!!! Any kind of pornography has not been played or stored on this laptop ever! A complete virgin!!! And you can choose any expert to examine my laptop at your expense to verify my claims.

Just a moment Sir! Why the heck am I asking you for a moment? I must be dumb or rather too dumb - You know why? Because you know you have nothing else to do! You are an Idler!! Yes, you are those type that have nothing else to do on Internet! You are here because you have nothing else to do. You are one of those who don't even get a scrap on orkut for weeks!!! That's why you are here. You know it!!

Just a moment Sir, you must be wondering how can I know so much about you? This is simply because you and I are in same position -except for the laptop virginity part!!!

Ok, Anyways where was I, Just a moment....Sir, I wanted to say that this is My blog and I can do whatever I want to do with it. Frankly dear, I don't give a damn!!!

Ps: In an unlikely event that a female of above mentioned description is reading this post, I want you to know that I am not a loser...but ..this is what company can do to you!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

That's where the name comes from

Somewhere between 2001 to 2002 I came across works of Sigmund Freud & Carl Jung especially their works regarding paranormal and dreams. The books that I read, made an impression that Jung work was more refined, coherent and relevant than that of Freud. Later on my limited readings on Psychology made me more aligned towards Abraham Maslow and behavioural psychology and led me believe that Freud may have been a genius but his research are perhaps today are as significant to psychology as Plato's model of Universe is to astronomy.

This belief of mine was not challenged for long, as I could not apply my limited knowledge of psychology to the world and environment around me to Freudian methodology where as Behavioural Models by Maslow could explain a lot of actions and their causes. Moreover Freud over emphasis on sex could not be easily digested by a hypocrite like me.

Most of my friends often ask me, about my unique Gmail Account name i.e Fedriego.Falcon.
Now Fedriego is rather a purposefully misspelled Italian name Federigo to signify the EGO in me as well as a wasteful attempt to hide it's Italian origin. Such kind of names are often unheard in India and it perhaps does not gel enough with the Falcon part. So how come did I settle on this?

The answer is given by our dear Freud uncle. Somewhere in early 2005 I was feeling low and was taking a walk on a dark night all alone....Suddenly, out of nowhere I remembered a story....

A story that I had heard once... and only once .... and that too a good 15 years ago... I remembered just about everything about the story... everything...

When I was no more than five or may be even younger, I used to wait for my mother on the stairs to return from work. When the other guys of my age used to play outside I used to sit on the stairs in the courtyard waiting for my mother. As soon as she used to come I asked her to narrate me story and we used to lie together in her bed while she narrated me the story... It was only when she had narrated me the story would she go and changer her office dress!!! As I always liked tragedies I would request for one but ...she rarely obliged...

It was one of those evening story that my mother told me years ago that I had suddenly recalled out of nowhere.... And I distinctly remember it was told to me once because of two reasons. Firstly, she rarely repeated her evening stories. Secondly, I remember it as a tragedy...

So I guess Freud was right when he said that the sub-concious and our personality traits can be traced back to our early childhood (i.e till the age of five)

Since I started blogging exactly three years ago on this date I thought it would be better to share with you something about the blog itself -which coincidently I have never done so. The name of the blog and my Google Account comes from a short story titled "Federigo's Falcon".

It is the work of Boccaccio, Giovanni (1313-1375 ), an Italian poet and Author from his book The Decameron (Vol. 2, Day 5, Novel 9). I am presenting the english translation of the story taken from

Among other good stories, he would tell, how that there was of yore in Florence a gallant named Federigo di Messer Filippo Alberighi, who for feats of arms and courtesy had not his peer in Tuscany; who, as is the common lot of gentlemen, became enamoured of a lady named Monna Giovanna, who in her day held rank among the fairest and most elegant ladies of Florence; to gain whose love he jousted, tilted, gave entertainments, scattered largess, and in short set no bounds to his expenditure. However the lady, no less virtuous than fair, cared not a jot for what he did for her sake, nor yet for him.

Spending thus greatly beyond his means, and making nothing, Federigo could hardly fail to come to lack, and was at length reduced to such poverty that he had nothing left but a little estate, on the rents of which he lived very straitly, and a single falcon, the best in the world. The estate was at Campi, and thither, deeming it no longer possible for him to live in the city as he desired, he repaired, more in love than ever before; and there, in complete seclusion, diverting himself with hawking, he bore his poverty as patiently as he might.

Now, Federigo being thus reduced to extreme poverty, it so happened that one day Monna Giovanna's husband, who was very rich, fell ill, and, seeing that he was nearing his end, made his will, whereby he left his estate to his son, who was now growing up, and in the event of his death without lawful heir named Monna Giovanna, whom he dearly loved, heir in his stead; and having made these dispositions he died.

Monna Giovanna, being thus left a widow, did as our ladies are wont, and repaired in the summer to one of her estates in the country which lay very near to that of Federigo. And so it befell that the urchin began to make friends with Federigo, and to shew a fondness for hawks and dogs, and having seen Federigo's falcon fly not a few times, took a singular fancy to him, and greatly longed to have him for his own, but still did not dare to ask him of Federigo, knowing that Federigo prized him so much. So the matter stood when by chance the boy fell sick; whereby the mother was sore distressed, for he was her only son, and she loved him as much as might be, insomuch that all day long she was beside him, and ceased not to comfort him, and again and again asked him if there were aught that he wished for, imploring him to say the word, and, if it might by any means be had, she would assuredly do her utmost to procure it for him. Thus repeatedly exhorted, the boy said:--"Mother mine, do but get me Federigo's falcon, and I doubt not I shall soon be well." Whereupon the lady was silent a while, bethinking her what she should do. She knew that Federigo had long loved her, and had never had so much as a single kind look from her: wherefore she said to herself:--How can I send or go to beg of him this falcon, which by what I hear is the best that ever flew, and moreover is his sole comfort? And how could I be so unfeeling as to seek to deprive a gentleman of the one solace that is now left him? And so, albeit she very well knew that she might have the falcon for the asking, she was perplexed, and knew not what to say, and gave her son no answer. At length, however, the love she bore the boy carried the day, and she made up her mind, for his contentment, come what might, not to send, but to go herself and fetch him the falcon. So:--"Be of good cheer, my son," she said, "and doubt not thou wilt soon be well; for I promise thee that the very first thing that I shall do tomorrow morning will be to go and fetch thee the falcon." Whereat the child was so pleased that he began to mend that very day.

On the morrow the lady, as if for pleasure, hied her with another lady to Federigo's little house, and asked to see him. 'Twas still, as for some days past, no weather for hawking, and Federigo was in his garden, busy about some small matters which needed to be set right there. When he heard that Monna Giovanna was at the door, asking to see him, he was not a little surprised and pleased, and hied him to her with all speed. As soon as she saw him, she came forward to meet him with womanly grace, and having received his respectful salutation, said to him:--"Good morrow, Federigo," and continued:--"I am come to requite thee for what thou hast lost by loving me more than thou shouldst: which compensation is this, that I and this lady that accompanies me will breakfast with thee without ceremony this morning." "Madam," Federigo replied with all humility, "I mind not ever to have lost aught by loving you, but rather to have been so much profited that, if I ever deserved well in aught, 'twas to your merit that I owed it, and to the love that I bore you. And of a surety had I still as much to spend as I have spent in the past, I should not prize it so much as this visit you so frankly pay me, come as you are to one who can afford you but a sorry sort of hospitality." Which said, with some confusion, he bade her welcome to his house, and then led her into his garden, where, having none else to present to her by way of companion, he said:--"Madam, as there is none other here, this good woman, wife of this husbandman, will bear you company, while I go to have the table set." Now, albeit his poverty was extreme, yet he had not known as yet how sore was the need to which his extravagance had reduced him; but this morning 'twas brought home to him, for that he could find nought wherewith to do honour to the lady, for love of whom he had done the honours of his house to men without number: wherefore, distressed beyond measure, and inwardly cursing his evil fortune, he sped hither and thither like one beside himself, but never a coin found he, nor yet aught to pledge. Meanwhile it grew late, and sorely he longed that the lady might not leave his house altogether unhonoured, and yet to crave help of his own husbandman was more than his pride could brook. In these desperate straits his glance happened to fall on his brave falcon on his perch in his little parlour. And so, as a last resource, he took him, and finding him plump, deemed that he would make a dish meet for such a lady. Wherefore, without thinking twice about it, he wrung the bird's neck, and caused his maid forthwith pluck him and set him on a spit, and roast him carefully; and having still some spotless table linen, he had the table laid therewith, and with a cheerful countenance hied him back to his lady in the garden, and told her that such breakfast as he could give her was ready. So the lady and her companion rose and came to table, and there, with Federigo, who waited on them most faithfully, ate the brave falcon, knowing not what they ate.

When they were risen from table, and had dallied a while in gay converse with him, the lady deemed it time to tell the reason of her visit: wherefore, graciously addressing Federigo, thus began she:--"Federigo, by what thou rememberest of thy past life and my virtue, which, perchance, thou hast deemed harshness and cruelty, I doubt not thou must marvel at my presumption, when thou hearest the main purpose of my visit; but if thou hadst sons, or hadst had them, so that thou mightest know the full force of the love that is borne them, I should make no doubt that thou wouldst hold me in part excused. Nor, having a son, may I, for that thou hast none, claim exemption from the laws to which all other mothers are subject, and, being thus bound to own their sway, I must, though fain were I not, and though 'tis neither meet nor right, crave of thee that which I know thou dost of all things and with justice prize most highly, seeing that this extremity of thy adverse fortune has left thee nought else wherewith to delight, divert and console thee; which gift is no other than thy falcon, on which my boy has so set his heart that, if I bring him it not, I fear lest he grow so much worse of the malady that he has, that thereby it may come to pass that I lose him. And so, not for the love which thou dost bear me, and which may nowise bind thee, but for that nobleness of temper, whereof in courtesy more conspicuously than in aught else thou hast given proof, I implore thee that thou be pleased to give me the bird, that thereby I may say that I have kept my son alive, and thus made him for aye thy debtor."

No sooner had Federigo apprehended what the lady wanted, than, for grief that 'twas not in his power to serve her, because he had given her the falcon to eat, he fell a weeping in her presence, before he could so much as utter a word. At first the lady supposed that 'twas only because he was loath to part with the brave falcon that he wept, and as good as made up her mind that he would refuse her: however, she awaited with patience Federigo's answer, which was on this wise:--"Madam, since it pleased God that I should set my affections upon you there have been matters not a few, in which to my sorrow I have deemed Fortune adverse to me; but they have all been trifles in comparison of the trick that she now plays me: the which I shall never forgive her, seeing that you are come here to my poor house, where, while I was rich, you deigned not to come, and ask a trifling favour of me, which she has put it out of my power to grant: how 'tis so, I will briefly tell you. When I learned that you, of your grace, were minded to breakfast with me, having respect to your high dignity and desert, I deemed it due and seemly that in your honour I should regale you, to the best of my power, with fare of a more excellent quality than is commonly set before others; and, calling to mind the falcon which you now ask of me, and his excellence, I judged him meet food for you, and so you have had him roasted on the trencher this morning; and well indeed I thought I had bestowed him; but, as now I see that you would fain have had him in another guise, so mortified am I that I am not able to serve you, that I doubt I shall never know peace of mind more." In witness whereof he had the feathers and feet and beak of the bird brought in and laid before her.

The first thing the lady did, when she had heard Federigo's story, and seen the relics of the bird, was to chide him that he had killed so fine a falcon to furnish a woman with a breakfast; after which the magnanimity of her host, which poverty had been and was powerless to impair, elicited no small share of inward commendation. Then, frustrate of her hope of possessing the falcon, and doubting of her son's recovery, she took her leave with the heaviest of hearts, and hied her back to the boy: who, whether for fretting, that he might not have the falcon, or by the unaided energy of his disorder, departed this life not many days after, to the exceeding great grief of his mother. For a while she would do nought but weep and bitterly bewail herself; but being still young, and left very wealthy, she was often urged by her brothers to marry again, and though she would rather have not done so, yet being importuned, and remembering Federigo's high desert, and the magnificent generosity with which he had finally killed his falcon to do her honour, she said to her brothers:--"Gladly, with your consent, would I remain a widow, but if you will not be satisfied except I take a husband, rest assured that none other will I ever take save Federigo degli Alberighi." Whereupon her brothers derided her, saying:--"Foolish woman, what is't thou sayst? How shouldst thou want Federigo, who has not a thing in the world?" To whom she answered:--"My brothers, well wot I that 'tis as you say; but I had rather have a man without wealth than wealth without a man." The brothers, perceiving that her mind was made up, and knowing Federigo for a good man and true, poor though he was, gave her to him with all her wealth. And so Federigo, being mated with such a wife, and one that he had so much loved, and being very wealthy to boot, lived happily, keeping more exact accounts, to the end of his days.

PS: The text in red indiacates the lines I do not remember the story!!! Therefore I remember the story as tragic.
2. Though I do not have the intellect to edit the original story yet I dare to say that the story would have been much better off without the font written in red!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Remembering those old days...Luc

Hey Gal,

I know this post comes a day late but you seriously didn't think that I forgot. I just want to say that wherever you are, be happy and yeah I still miss you - every single day. Alright, you knew it so what? Shut up and listen to me...

You know something, I am eating "halwa" right now and you aren't going to get any... so stop looking down from the sky. Bitch that innocent eyes aren't gonna work.

And to tell You a secret, "I cooked it", yeah I know it's your favourite so I cooked it. Today!!! Don't be so surprised...Heck gal, get this and get this straight, because I am not gonna repeat it again!

1.You aren't going to have any.
2.I cooked it. Just the way I cook your meal - your stupid non-veg.

You wanna proof here is the recipe:

Wheat Flour - 1 cup
Milk - 2 cups
Sugar - 1½ Cups
Ghee - as required.
Cardamom Powder a pinch
Cashew - 8-10
Orange food Color a pinch


1. In about a spoon of ghee roast the cashews and set aside.
2. Mix cardamom and food color to the milk and set aside.
3. Roast the wheat flour in about 2 spoons of ghee and fry for 5 minutes over low heat. Stir constantly to avoid burning.
4. Now add milk to the wheat and mix well. This will cook well and form into a ball.
5. Add the sugar and cook till it comes off the pan without sticking.Add little ghee intemitently as reauired.
5. Remove to a bowl greased with ghee. Add the cashews and enjoy the sweet.

Too bad, you can't even read. And there are no cashew, no cardamom and no milk. Secondly, It shouldn't be 2cups of water it should be 1½ Cups of water... ghee should be more. Thirdly, the stirrer is too old, we need to replace it..the dough is sticking to it...and yes not to mention that the "khadai suddenly starts to do the moon walk" -so be careful.

That's it... it's a little on the semi-solid state a little too sweet and there are a little balls of Flour and too much in quantity but otherwise it's ok. It was simple enough. See I did not just copy and pasted it from google- I actually made it...See the improvisation ...I know I am a genius.

All right, since you are pleading so much I'll allow it to taste. Only a little, look I am so kind-hearted. Here is a little... go ahead and taste it.. Come on...What you don't want to taste? How dare you say that and turn your back to me bitch!!

There is something called obedience - that is supposed to be the characteristic of your community, ever heard about it? Listen to me, come here - "idhar aao tum... innocent face banane se kuch nahin hoga" - Common eat it ...Come on eat it baby....

"Damn that bitch ran to mom's room"!!!

Damn Luc I still miss you.................. I miss you very much!!!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The words that I always wanted to say

Dear Mam,

I was your student in STD 1 in 1991...

All these years I had thought what am I going to say to you when I can contact you.. I waited years..and years... for the right time ...

And though it is still a little early... but I find I have no words...

I just want to say thank you.

You may not realized but in all my life... but I have never tried to work as hard as I did when I was your student... Yes that's true.. not my boards, not my +2, not my engineering and not in my CAT ...not in my MBA.

I used to burn my eyes till 2:00 AM in and then wake up at 4:30 to study again... and that was class 1 ...

And you know why.. just to answer your questions.... I don't think I was that dumb...But every time you asked me a question my lips wouldn't move....

My marks were good but u never encouraged me....even when I stood first in mental ability in all the section... you never said a word to me ... you rather chose to praise the guy who stood third...

Yes Mam he was one of your favourite... I still remember his name. You always discouraged me when I wanted to participate in some extra-curricular activities.
To You I was a FAILURE!!! - A LIABILITY ... a creature...who was supposed to be trampled upon!!!

You completely shattered my confidence...and I think I would had a nervous breakdown if you had taught me another year....

Today, people say I am thought to be an extrovert- a person with supreme confidence, someone who gets what he wants - all thanks to you.

Thank you for being the worst teacher in my life. Thank you for making me go through the worst part of my life ... because I know the worst is over!!! I have survived you...and am still mentally sane. Thank you for making me the person I am Today!!!

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Baks: On a lonely night

Uthai jab kalam to
Kalam heen shabd de gaya
Naam jo likha unka
Naam heen sargam ho gaya

Juhki jo palken unki to
Bhaura kamal mein heen chup gaya
Uthai jo nazareein unhone to
Khud ba khud savera ho gaya

Muskuraye jab woh to
Kaliyon ka khilna ho gaya
Kesh jo lehraye unke
Badlo ka ghirna ho gaya

Gungunaya jo geet unhone
Who geet koyal ka ho gaya
Sparsh kiya jo unhone vrikch ko
Woh vrikch chandan ka ho gaya

Unko season ki garmi se
Mausam bhi sawan ho gaya
Unki baat hai heen kuch aise
Ki main bhi shayar ho gaya

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Digressed Writing & My Theory of Impossibility

Well, I don't know what I want these days... It's like running a rat race!!! And while some say i have just become lazy these days ... it's just that I don't feel motivated or interested in anything, NOT EVEN PORN. I feel like something is missing, something... Something that I cannot put my finger on it.

Superficially I am cool, too cool or rather casual for everyone but then it's just that I don't want to be serious. When you are serious, you should be serious for something that you desire, something to cherish, something meaningful, something worthwhile...

But then is there something that is so truly desirable? Are you noble enough to think yourself capable of making a difference... doing something worthwhile..something pure...Well you may be...And I really hope you should be... but I am not. I could have been but I am not...

It doesn't matter whether I could have been or I couldn't what matters is the truth. The present situation or reality or the fact whatever you may choose to call it. The statement is I am not.

"Choose" or choice is funny thing. Sometimes it is good to have it, but sometimes it is even better not to have it. Beacuse when you don't have a choice you have a strategy.

Let me explain, in a game of chess I have a choice of a number of move but my strategy is my decision of playing a particular move while saying no to the others. Whether the strategy is good or bad is different thing all together but then you do have a strategy. "Strategy" is nothing but saying no to all the options and going ahead with one.

However, life is not a chess. "Strategy" is just a tool to achieve your goal but what if your goal is itself not clear. Is it not better then, that you have no choice... then you atleast you know your goal. And you know what you have to do.. because it is the only thing that you can do!!!

I have said it before and I say it again, "Knowing a fact and accepting the fact are two different things!" While knowing a fact is relatively easy it's often much harder to accept the fact. And it is this difficulty in accepting the fact that makes life miserable.

"life is miserable!!!" compared to what?, you ask like a philosopher. "I don't know... I really don't know"...I am not a philosopher, had I even been one, do you think I would have figure it out?...May be life is miserable... compared to the life we expect ...compared to the life that could have been...the life that should have been, the way we expect it to be...the way they ought to be...the life we desire.

So may be life is miserable because of our desires... Now I am not going the Buddha way and claim that I have got enlightenment... the ultimate truth of the universe because surely I haven't!!! If I would have, I wouldn't have been blogging here, right! Would I? And certainly, I am not going to ask you to kill all your desires to be happy. For desires, are also the root cause of motivation... the reason why mankind is where it is now!!!

Remember, even Buddha desired everyone to be happy.(by killing all your desires) Lord Buddha chose an impossible goal... that everyone should be happy. Surely I think it is not possible, is it?

Buddha was a God,so perhaps he was able to find peace with himself but what about the lesser mortals like us?

Many times like Buddha we set impossible goals... or goals that are nearly impossible for us, primarily because we are unable to accept the facts... and there begins the end of our happiness...

Have I told you about my motivational theory? The Theory of Impossibility

See, when you choose to pursue an impossible goal or let's say a nearly impossible goal. You primarily, "know the fact" but "haven't accepted it yet!" An uncomfortable feeling caused by holding the two contradictory ideas simultaneously or Cognitive Dissonance in Psychological terms.

To reduce this uncomfortable feeling, one follows either of the two way:

  • One may give up a goal soon enough. Thus ending the dissonance.

  • One may believe that the goal is not unrealistic and he may achieve it with efforts and more skills and thus reducing the dissonance between the two ideas.

Now, if the person takes the second option, he or she will try double hard to get his goal. As he believes that the goal is realizable, typically that individual will believe he can control events that affect them or with HIGH INTERNAL Locus of control Now as long as his will to work to mold the events around him or self efficacy is able to hold the test of time he will be able to make rapid progress in all the areas in his life.
However, the real motivating factor of the impossible goal would always ask him to push a little harder.. a little bit more.

Such an individual would be high on confidence at least in public partially because of his recent social success due to his never ending quest for improvement,self-awareness and his willingness to adapt. However, this temporary measure will bring still more dissonance and frustration over his inability to achieve his aim.

If by chance, the individual achieves his target/goal it would bring immense satisfaction and high superiority complex in him for achieving his goal. Typically, these individuals when put in tough situations, would recall their struggle days. ( quite often portrayed in movies as supporting actors to the lead).

However, if the goal is genuinely impossible, the individuals may regret their decision and the time spent on the worthless chase, and may become increasingly irritable and short tempered over time.

Perhaps, it is for the same reason underdog stories are so popular because all they have to do is replace themselves with the lead character to satisfy their bruised ego.

Cartoons specially the action packed ones, display such emotions and trend in a dramatic fashion...