Dog training - What the fuck!!!

I could never really understand, what the term "Dog Training" is all about? Before, you dump this post as a usual crap that you think I dish out to you, a gentle reminder, I always bite then bark. I just don't want to show you, my teeth. However, on this occasion I choose to introduce myself.

I have been training dogs since 1999. I have trained dogs that were 1^st runner up in state dog show. I have trained a "stone deaf" dog. I have rehabilitated dogs. And if you consider it as an accomplishment ( keyword being if ) trained dogs from CM's house.

Sure, I don't have a certificate that certifies me as a Trainer but neither do 99% of the people who are in business in India. And I don't need any to prove my credentials to write a post on the topic.

What do you mean by "Dog Training"? If it means to you, a pet that sits when you say "sit", barks when you ask it to bark, eats when you ask it to eat and walks when you want command it to walk. I suggest, go get a robot! you don't deserve a pet. For heaven sake they are living creatures and not some electro-mechanical device that can be switched on and off at your whims and fantasies.

Yet, unfortunately I see a lot of people taking pride in turning their pets into robots. And worst of all, many of them end up spending a sizable amount to a person (read trainer) to torture their pets. The training begins by coaxing, twice or thrice in front of their master and then the dog is beaten mercilessly until it submits. It becomes afraid of it's trainer rather being friend of it! So, you get a guard dog that submits on one single shout and a raised cane.

What the fuck does these trainer train? A dog always barks, it never sings or meows. If you can make a dog do it, that's really training! A dog always walks or runs, it never climbs a tree. If you can make a dog do it, that's training. A dog will always lie down it can never act like "Ashwariya Rai", if you can make it do it, that's training! But then does your dog really needs such training?

Is it necessary that your dog behave like the "Hutch Dog"? And if you want your dog to sing, don't you think you miss a circus a little too much?

For your information, I never trained a dog. All I ever did was that I tried to understand it, and make it understand me!!! I failed miserably when I tried to teach my Alsatian climb a tree, but my Pom did it to some extent, for it was play for it. ( Mind you it never turned into a monkey. And small dog in general have a greater balance than large ones).

Lucy could act like a dead when asked, with her tongue even held out. Even if you move her leg to an angle, it remained in that position until asked to move again, even if it was in air. To her, it was game but I could not make it happen with any other dogs. One carried a full brick from the stockpiles to the construction site - doing a job of one labourer, for she wanted to help her master. Then there was other, that used to bring mangoes from the orchard and take peel off coconuts.

I do not claim I can train your dog to do the same but I can perhaps make your dog do something different and useful. I don't claim that your dog will sit when you will want him to. Lucy never obeyed my command when I asked her to but I can ensure, that you will never have to use leash to control him. I can ensure that your dog will not touch it's bone until you ask it to do so. I don't claim your dog will always listen to you but I can ensure that your dog will follow those unspoken commands that your eyes gave it to him.

And, I don't say I am too good or too bad. I only say that your dog is just like a child, it will always do what you want only if you spend time with it and make an honest attempt to understand them.

Understand their smile, their laugh, their complains, their highs and their lows, assure them in when they see the nightmares, enjoy with them their favourite music and your dog will obey your command without it being spoken. You'll never have the need of trainers. ( And once again they do exhibit these behaviours you only need to observe it!!! Trust me they do smile and laugh, just observe their jawlines and mouth!!! )

Random Meme

Man of Roma tagged me for this meme. I hate Poonam for tagging Man of Roma and the person who started this Meme concept.

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?
Spiderwick Chronicles. Plz make necessary adjustments in the spellings.

2. What book are you reading?
Books. What's that? Potrait of an artist as a young man - James Joyace.(ie if you call carrying a book in your back pack as reading)

3. Favorite board game?
Chess. What else! On my day I can beat Kasparov...lol And that too in rapid... Unfortunately my day is going to come 60 years from now. And Kasparov will be dead and hence lose on time. PJ. I know.

4. Favorite magazine?
Debonair, Playboy etc... jus kiddin. I mean I like them, who doesn't? but I prefer champak, nandan, Comics World, Archie to name a few.

5. Favorite smells?
Boy I am not a sniffing dog. The smell of wet soil after the first shower. The sweet aroma of budding mango trees in spring. Aroma OF "DESI GHEE" (a kind of Butter) coming from anything that I prepare. ( I can't cook, so add ghee and pickles to anything hot and it tastes fine.) Oh I almost forgot money.

6. Favorite sounds?
Puppies playful barks. MLTR

7. Worst feeling in the world?
Losing LUCY.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
Depends at the place I am in. Most of the time, "it's too early to get up!!!"

9. Favorite fast food place?
Anna Ki tapri. "A shanty near my room"

10. Future child’s name?
ok a> accident
b> mistake
c> faulty
d> loose control
e> Jawani Ki Bhool
f> Again
g> Nevermore
h> trouble
i> Certainly Not mine
j> Divorce
k> Last man!!! ( A full cricket team)


I like the name Ajatshatru ( the one who's enemy will never be borned), Arya Bhaskar ( the Sun of the Aryans )

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?
… buy a lot of dogs and do something for rural education and animal welfare

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
At home I sleep with my dogs and those aren't stuffed.

13. Storms - cool or scary?
Cool.

14. Favorite drink?
Water. Nothing beats that.

15. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?
wait a minute. what do you mean by had?. Time alone is not important, you need funds too.

16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
Are you going to cook me one? If yes then I do.

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
The nature is hell bent to dye my hairs in grey which unfortunately is my favourite colour.

18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?
Let's first understand what do you mean by livin here. I have lived in several cities for 24 hours!!!

19. Favorite sports to watch?
Cricket == Indian

20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?
Man of Roma comes accross an extremely humble man. He puts his point so subtly yet firmly. And the best part is he takes even my irrational comments seriously and makes an effort to answer them.


21. What’s under your bed?
Dogs yet again at home.

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again?
No way. I would like to be born as a gorgeous gal ... so that I'll flirt with all the boys and make them dance to my tunes. If you have an asset better use it... I mean more marks... more stuffs..and more fun. If that's not the case then I prefer to be born as myself and repeat the same mistakes...well most of them because, every mistake brought me closer to people whom I respect and care for.

23. Morning person, or night owl?
Night owl.

24. Over easy, or sunny side up?
I am weak in english. "Angrezi nahi ati"

25. Favorite place to relax?
In Mom's lap.

26. Favorite pie?
pie = 22/7 and not the irrational non recurring no. 3.1415926....

27. Favorite ice cream flavor?
Left eating sweets in 2006

28. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?
Shikha

I tag KG, Shikha, Raj. If anyone wants to be torcher oneself, please be my guest!

Optical illusion

Whoever said that a "a picture is worth thousand words" certainly had not heard of the phrase "all that glitters is not gold." I guess what I am trying to say is that sometimes, the pictures can be a sheer misinterpretation of a situation. Sometime it may be an optical illusion. And sometimes, it can just ask a hundred question.

Well if not hundred then at least four!!! Take a look at this photograph.(I suggest to click it to see the larger image)




Now, try and answer the following questions:

1. Who is bathing whom?
2. Does the dog really loves the bath?
3. Is the job really as adorable as it looks?
4. What type of job description will be best suited for "Ramu Kaka" - the house-help?